Thoughts and Concerns About Conversion

Thoughts and Concerns About Conversion

Friday, November 12, I met with my rabbi about the progress of my conversion activities. As I mentioned before, I brought along my laptop, in which I have probably a hundred pages of my notes from Jewish studies. I didn’t bring it to try to convince him I’m brilliant; but to show my dedication because I am not. Unlike my paternal grandmother, I cannot look at a page and literally memorize it. About six months into my studies I realized how much I had already forgotten. I had two choices: slow down the reading or make an organized system of notes. I am too enthusiastic to do the former.

Despite my serious study, I have been concerned that people might misunderstand my reason for converting. Since I didn’t know anyone in Eugene before moving here June 1st, no one knows how many times I considered converting before I actually worked up the nerve to register for a class and begin attending services. I met my fiancé in Torah study. A few weeks later we had one conversation alone. That was all it took to make us inseparable! We became engaged on October 3rd.

The Talmudic Rabbis said that God Himself arranged marriages at birth; “This one is intended for that one.” A year ago I would have said that was hogwash. But how else can I explain the peace, happiness and certainty we feel together?

My rabbi said he knew I would convert even if I weren’t engaged, that I studied hard and often came to synagogue even before I met my fiancé.  However, he did not feel inclined to choose the date I chose, January 3rd, which was the day I first checked a stack of Jewish books out of the library.  He wanted to give it another month or so for me to think about it and until the year anniversary of when I actually began classes, so the conversion is more likely to be the middle of February. 
I have read in several books and websites that some women felt like they were treated as lesser Jews because they converted right before marriage. Does it matter what brings one originally to Judaism? Isn’t it more important that the convert feel a deep desire to be Jewish?

By the time I was 21, I had been church-hopping for years, dissatisfied. Is it somehow more honorable that I, who had only met one Jewish person before that year, was driving by a synagogue and literally changed lanes to pull into the parking lot and go inside? I didn’t know what I was doing – and they refused me. If I had met an honorable, kind and studious man like my fiancé first, I doubt so many years would have passed before I set foot in a Temple again.

After we discussed my engagement, we I moved on to discuss my spiritual beliefs and how far I followed laws of kashrut. I said I am comfortable with Biblical kashrut except that women may not even be touched during their periods, but I am not comfortable with Rabbinical kashrut, which not only extends the time women are “unclean,” but also makes food preparation, storage and clean up a tremendous chore. He asked why Biblical and not Rabbinical; I answered (and one of the four people who reads this blog might object) that I am far more inclined to believe that the Torah is the word of God (except for some editorializing) than I am inclined to believe all commentaries are the word of God. Therefore, I am more inclined to willingly obey Biblical kashrut laws rather than be so grudging and halfhearted in my obedience to Rabbinical kashrut laws that I may as well not try.

We discussed various books of the Tanakh. I said Ezekiel would be locked up as crazy if he roamed the streets today… but women in ponytails and workout clothes buy bread named after him, Ezekiel 4:9 bread! The rabbi immediately laughed, knowing exactly what I meant. The recipe for this bread is given in Ezekiel 4:9: wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet and emmer. But the instructions for baking it on human excrement are given in Ezekiel 4:12!

We got serious about the conversion itself. He, the Senior Rabbi and a third knowledgeable person, usually a woman, would meet with me and ask me to talk about my spiritual journey. They would ask a few questions. He said they rarely turned anyone away who got that far, but sometimes if there was too much stress in an applicant’s life, they would ask for a little more time before they proceeded with the conversion. After the session with the three (the Bet Din), I would go to the mikveh for my ritual immersion. I would need to find two women to be my witnesses. Once that was done, I would be considered a legal member of the Jewish community. They do not charge for the conversion itself, but it is traditional to give a donation to the couple that operates the mikveh.

I didn’t tell the rabbi this, but I am a little uncomfortable about the mikveh. I will have to undress and dunk myself in front of others.

The rabbi and I stood and shook hands in parting.
Later, cooking dinner with my fiance, I was stressing a little over whether the other two in the Bet Din might confuse my wish to marry with my wish to convert. My fiancé reminded me that the Senior Rabbi not only approved, but was very excited to hear about our engagement. (And he was! We went up to him after service and told him. His eyes opened wide, he laughed and threw back his head and exclaimed, “It’s what the world NEEDS!” He laughed again and hugged us both and wished us mazel tov!)

My fiancé took my hand and gave me a look I have never seen on anyone’s face but his, a look that says he believes in me wholeheartedly. “Once you begin speaking with them, you will relax and do beautifully because you know in your head and heart that you don’t want to be Jewish – you are Jewish.”