Thoughts and Concerns About Conversion
Friday, November 12, I met with my rabbi about the progress of my conversion activities. As I mentioned before, I brought along my laptop, in which I have probably a hundred pages of my notes from Jewish studies. I didn’t bring it to try to convince him I’m brilliant; but to show my dedication because I am not. Unlike my paternal grandmother, I cannot look at a page and literally memorize it. About six months into my studies I realized how much I had already forgotten. I had two choices: slow down the reading or make an organized system of notes. I am too enthusiastic to do the former.
Despite my serious study, I have been concerned that people might misunderstand my reason for converting. Since I didn’t know anyone in Eugene before moving here June 1st, no one knows how many times I considered converting before I actually worked up the nerve to register for a class and begin attending services. I met my fiancé in Torah study. A few weeks later we had one conversation alone. That was all it took to make us inseparable! We became engaged on October 3rd.
The Talmudic Rabbis said that God Himself arranged marriages at birth; “This one is intended for that one.” A year ago I would have said that was hogwash. But how else can I explain the peace, happiness and certainty we feel together?
My rabbi said he knew I would convert even if I weren’t engaged, that I studied hard and often came to synagogue even before I met my fiancé. However, he did not feel inclined to choose the date I chose, January 3rd, which was the day I first checked a stack of Jewish books out of the library. He wanted to give it another month or so for me to think about it and until the year anniversary of when I actually began classes, so the conversion is more likely to be the middle of February.
I have read in several books and websites that some women felt like they were treated as lesser Jews because they converted right before marriage. Does it matter what brings one originally to Judaism? Isn’t it more important that the convert feel a deep desire to be Jewish?
By the time I was 21, I had been church-hopping for years, dissatisfied. Is it somehow more honorable that I, who had only met one Jewish person before that year, was driving by a synagogue and literally changed lanes to pull into the parking lot and go inside? I didn’t know what I was doing – and they refused me. If I had met an honorable, kind and studious man like my fiancé first, I doubt so many years would have passed before I set foot in a Temple again.
After we discussed my engagement, we I moved on to discuss my spiritual beliefs and how far I followed laws of kashrut. I said I am comfortable with Biblical kashrut except that women may not even be touched during their periods, but I am not comfortable with Rabbinical kashrut, which not only extends the time women are “unclean,” but also makes food preparation, storage and clean up a tremendous chore. He asked why Biblical and not Rabbinical; I answered (and one of the four people who reads this blog might object) that I am far more inclined to believe that the Torah is the word of God (except for some editorializing) than I am inclined to believe all commentaries are the word of God. Therefore, I am more inclined to willingly obey Biblical kashrut laws rather than be so grudging and halfhearted in my obedience to Rabbinical kashrut laws that I may as well not try.
We discussed various books of the Tanakh. I said Ezekiel would be locked up as crazy if he roamed the streets today… but women in ponytails and workout clothes buy bread named after him, Ezekiel 4:9 bread! The rabbi immediately laughed, knowing exactly what I meant. The recipe for this bread is given in Ezekiel 4:9: wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet and emmer. But the instructions for baking it on human excrement are given in Ezekiel 4:12!
We got serious about the conversion itself. He, the Senior Rabbi and a third knowledgeable person, usually a woman, would meet with me and ask me to talk about my spiritual journey. They would ask a few questions. He said they rarely turned anyone away who got that far, but sometimes if there was too much stress in an applicant’s life, they would ask for a little more time before they proceeded with the conversion. After the session with the three (the Bet Din), I would go to the mikveh for my ritual immersion. I would need to find two women to be my witnesses. Once that was done, I would be considered a legal member of the Jewish community. They do not charge for the conversion itself, but it is traditional to give a donation to the couple that operates the mikveh.
I didn’t tell the rabbi this, but I am a little uncomfortable about the mikveh. I will have to undress and dunk myself in front of others.
The rabbi and I stood and shook hands in parting.
Later, cooking dinner with my fiance, I was stressing a little over whether the other two in the Bet Din might confuse my wish to marry with my wish to convert. My fiancé reminded me that the Senior Rabbi not only approved, but was very excited to hear about our engagement. (And he was! We went up to him after service and told him. His eyes opened wide, he laughed and threw back his head and exclaimed, “It’s what the world NEEDS!” He laughed again and hugged us both and wished us mazel tov!)
My fiancé took my hand and gave me a look I have never seen on anyone’s face but his, a look that says he believes in me wholeheartedly. “Once you begin speaking with them, you will relax and do beautifully because you know in your head and heart that you don’t want to be Jewish – you are Jewish.”
Friday, November 26, 2010
Genesis 28:10 - 32:3
Genesis 28:10 - 32:3
Collected from my thoughts, Midrash (usually Genesis Rabbah), TBI’s Torah study group and Midrashic Women by Judith Baskin. I blame no one but myself for all my negative thoughts about the behaviors of our patriarchs and matriarchs.
In previous parsha, Jacob has already received the birthright blessing of his father Isaac through trickery that was Rebekah's idea. Jacob did not protest that that was dishonest, just that his father would recognize his smooth, hairless skin and would curse him as a trickster. (Esau must have been very, very hairy if Rebekah had to affix goat kid skin to him!)
Jacob left his home before Esau could kill him because Rebekah has persuaded (through negativity) Isaac to make sure Jacob found a wife from among their kin. Isaac told Jacob to go choose a wife from Laban's daughters. (Laban is Rebekah's brother, so all these girls would be his nieces.) Isaac says, "May El Shaddai bless you..."
This parsha begins with "Jacob left Beer-sheba and set out for Haran." The place where he first stopped for the night was a holy place, actually Mount Moriah according to the Rabbis, although Jacob did not know it. He placed his head on a stone for a pillow. Rabbi Eliezer said Jacob "met" this place; other rabbis said that the word for his arrival could also mean "prayer", though it was not the usual expression for prayer. Somehow it connotes that the earth, or even the mountain, sprang forward to meet him there. I am afraid I don’t yet know Hebrew, so I can not explain how this is. In Genesis Rabbah, the Rabbis also said the sun set suddenly, forcing him to stop there in this holy place. Genesis Rabbah further goes on to say that "he lay down in that place" implied a restrictiveness, that he never laid down to rest during all his service with Laban, because he was so engaged in Torah study!!!
And is this the inspiration for the Eagles' Stairway to Heaven? "He had a dream; a stairway was set on the ground and its top reached to the sky and angels of God were going up and down on it." God appeared to him in the dream, saying, "I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac..." Here, although it is a little early, we can use Martin Buber's idea:
Martin Buber - "Why do we say: 'our God and the God of our fathers'? There are two kinds of people who believe in God. One believes because he has taken over the faith of his fathers, and his faith is strong. The other has arrived at faith through thinking and studying... The advantage of the first is that, no matter what arguments may be brought against it, his faith cannot be shaken; his faith is firm because it was taken over from his fathers. But there is one flaw in it: he has faith only in response to the command of man and he has acquired it without studying and thinking for himself. The advantage of the second is that, because he found God through much thinking, he has arrived at a faith of his own. But here too there is a flaw: it is easy to shake his faith by refuting it through evidence. But he who unites both kinds of faith is invincible. And so we say 'our God' with reference to our studies and 'God of our fathers' with an eye to tradition. The same interpretation has been given to our saying 'God of Abraham, God of Isaac and God of Jacob' and not 'God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob', for this indicates that Isaac and Jacob did not merely take over the tradition of Abraham; they themselves searched for God."
God also made the promise to Jacob that his offspring will be the "dust of the earth", which I read as uncountable, essential to living, frequently overlooked and mortal, as in we will return to dust. God said "all the families of the earth" (which could mean of the dust of the earth rather than literally everyone on the earth, since that would not be true) "shall bless themselves by you and your descendants." And still today, we Jews do. God promised he would not leave Jacob until he brought him back to the land and did what he promised. This is a better promise than Abraham got! But Jacob, although shaken and awed, still says "If God remains with me and protects me on this journey... and gives me bread... and clothing... (then) the Lord shall be my God... And I will set aside a tithe." Would you or I, if God spoke with us so, be so bold as to bargain and express disbelief? I hope not.
There's an unusual amount of detail about the well, Gen 29: how large the stone was that covered the well and that flocks of sheep had to wait for someone to roll the stone off the well before they could drink. It says there were three flocks of sheep waiting, but does not mention the shepherds; we are supposed to know that Jacob addresses them when he says, "My friends, where are you from?" In an amazing coincidence when he asked if the shepherds know Laban, they replied that his daughter Rachel was coming now with her father's flock. Jacob urged them to uncover the well but they said they have to wait for all the flocks. I supposed he is showing eagerness to get them off so he might speak with her. The Rabbis explained he thought they are loafing and should be working for their masters, so that is why he says they should water their sheep and go back to pasture.
Rachel was a shepherdess, a working girl! Jacob was so impressed by her; she was beautiful and shapely. He was filled with strength and rolled the stone off the well, ignoring what the others had said so she could water her sheep immediately. Then he KISSED! And he started crying and told her he was kin. The Rabbis thought he cried because he foresaw that they will not be buried together. Alternately, they thought it was because he came bearing no gifts. Even though kissing in welcome is a middle eastern thing, it must have still seemed overwhelming. She ran off to tell Laban, who ran up to greet him. Genesis Rabbah says Laban remembered how Abraham's servant brought many gifts and that is why he came running. The Rabbis so dislike Laban they say he hugged because he thought Jacob might have gold in his bosom and kissed because he thought Jacob might have pearls in his mouth!
Is this Laban the inspiration for Elton John’s Lebon, who liked his money and spent his days counting?
Jacob told Laban he was running from his brother and was penniless. He worked for Laban a month before Laban offered him wages. Jacob offered to serve Laban seven years for Rachel's hand in marriage. He specified Rachel, the younger daughter, lest there be any confusion. Although he wanted her and may have suspected Laban already, he had no gifts. Only his muscle.
The seven years passed very quickly. He asked for Rachel's hand so he "may cohabit with her!"
Laban made a big feast and Jacob must have gotten a little drunk. We are not told if Rachel knew what was happening (Megillot thinks she did and wished to spare her sister shame) but Laban gave Jacob Leah instead and somehow Jacob did not notice the difference until morning. Jacob complained to Laban, who said they marry the older girls first, but he can have the younger one also if he agreed to wait one week before taking possession of her and if he served another 7 years. It occurs to me here that the time for observing the wedding and sitting shiva are the same, 7 days.
The bitterness between these two sisters must have been great; jealousy from Leah and from Rachel, anger at the trickery and Jacob's enforced servitude.
In the Prayer class on the Jewish Day of Learning, Professor Deborah Greene said that it is possible that Leah prayed, because "The Lord saw that Leah was unloved and He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren." The first actual recorded prayer is later, from Samuel's mother, Hannah. But it seems likely that Leah cried out, at least.
Rachel, as we know from her later theft of idols, was an idolater. She went to Jacob and said, "Give me children or I shall die." "Jacob was incensed at Rachel and said, 'Can I take the place of God, who has denied you fruit of the womb?'" (Is this where the underwear company got their name?) So she gave him her maid Bilhah as a concubine. Unlike Sarah, Rachel was delighted to have children she could raise as her own, even if she had to find a surrogate. She said God had "vindicated her" and given her a son. When her maid bore a second son, she said she had waged "a fateful contest" against her sister and "prevailed." But I think unlike Sarah’s maid Hagar, Bilhah actually gave up her child.
Leah had already borne 4 sons before Rachel gave her maid as concubines. With the third son, Leah knew she had more than fulfilled the strongest interpretation of the commandment to be fruitful and multiply, which was to bear two sons. She named the first two. The third "was named" Levi, either by Jacob or by God. She realized how great the gift of the 4th son was; she named Judah and promised to praised the Lord. Leah clearly believed in God.
God had not withheld children from Jacob and Leah, but from Rachel. Maybe it was because of Rachel's idols? Or because she, as the more beautiful sister, was vain? Also, she seems to take her hold over Jacob for granted... See the mandrakes, below. When the maid's children are born, Rachel offers no praise, only an indignant sense that she is getting her due.
Leah, who was previously content, became unhappy that she has not borne any more children! So she gave her maid Zilpah to Jacob! Zilpah bears two sons.
Regarding my earlier comment that if I had to give my husband my maid as a concubine, I'd find a hairy and smelly maid, I suspect these women were not great beauties. After all, Laban, who was a greedy fellow, gave them up!
So far:
Leah's own children: Reuben, Simeon, Levi and Judah, all sons.
Leah's sons by her maid Zilpah: Gad and Asher
Rachel's sons by Bilhah: Dan and Naphtali.
And there is this bizarre scene, where Rachel wanted a few of the mandrakes Leah's son brought home, and Leah answered, "Was it not enough for you to take away my husband, that you would also take my son's mandrakes?" I really must try some mandrakes, because I can't imagine equating the two... And then Rachel answered that she will let Leah have Jacob for the night in exchange for mandrakes! Then Leah went out and met Jacob as he came back from the fields. She actually told him he was to sleep with her because she purchased him with mandrakes. Whoa!!!! What could Jacob have thought over being sold so cheaply by his favorite wife? Upon reading this, I texted my fiancé, "May our lovemaking and cuddling remain priceless, no matter how many years pass."
In fact, the Rabbis thought that Rachel's and Leah's assumption that they could choose who Jacob slept with was worthy of big punishment. Therefore, Rachel died younger and was not buried with her husband. And Leah's actions were disdained; her daughter Dinah was considered as just above a harlot.
Although Rachel is often called our mother, really Leah is, because all the tribes but Judah and Levi were wiped out or disappeared; thus we are also related to Laban. In Torah study, a lady read aloud: Rachel, who was Jacob's intended for the spiritual world, bore Joseph, who saved Israel, Leah, his intended for this world, bore Levi and Judah.
God "heeded Leah and she conceived, and bore him a fifth son." Leah seems to clearly understand the precedent mentioned above; when she becomes pregnant, she says that God honored her giving of her maid to Jacob. Leah bears Issachar and Zebulun before finally bearing Jacob's only daughter, Dinah. The Rabbis thought that while in utero, Dinah was turned from a boy into a girl because Leah realized that one more son would expose her sister to ridicule.
God finally "remembered Rachel." She bore Joseph. The Rabbis thought that Esau, who strangely had not yet seen Rachel, somehow lusted for her. If a couple had been married 10 years, the man was expected to divorce her just because she was barren. So not only must her joy have been great, but also her relief.
At this point, Jacob asked Laban for permission to leave with his wives and children. Laban knew that he has been blessed with livestock and sons because of Jacob; he tried to strike a deal so as not to lose his good fortune. Jacob answered, "When shall I make a provision for my own household?" (which of course has now grown very large!) They agreed to Jacob's suggestion that he remove all the dark, spotted and speckled sheep and goats. Jacob said this way Laban will be able to easily see that Jacob is not stealing from him. Laban agreed, no doubt thinking these are less worthy animals and also more rare. But just in case, Laban took all the speckled, dark and spotted animals and had his sons pasture them three days' journey away from Jacob. Laban must not have cared one iota for the welfare of his daughters or grandchildren! Jacob answered this with magic: he peeled strips of bark off sticks of poplar, almond and plane (or hazelnut) and put them in the water troughs so when the flocks came to drink, they would see the rods, come into heat, mate and bring forth speckled, spotted and dark offspring. Jacob also ensured he had sturdy offspring by judicious placement of the rods; if sturdy animals came to drink, he placed the rods in and if weak animals came, he did not. Of course I can't miss the symbolism of placing a rod in a trough to ensure fertility!
Laban's sons started speaking badly of Jacob, as if he were stealing from them. Jacob called his wives out to the field and told them that he had served their father with all his might, but their father had cheated him time and time again. He told his wives the reason for his prosperity was not dishonesty, but because God would not let Laban harm him. He told them that God told him it was time to go home to his family. His wives sided with him.
Rachel then stole her father's idols. Jacob sent his wives, children and livestock on towards his homeland first, while continuing to serve Laban, presumably to give his wives a fair chance against being pursued. Then Jacob left. It was three days before Laban knew. Laban pursued them for seven days, finally catching them in Gilead. God appeared to Laban in a dream and warned against doing anything, good or bad, with Jacob. Laban said Jacob should not have run off without saying goodbye. He admitted that God warned him not to attempt anything with Jacob, but then he asked Jacob why he stole his gods!!! Jacob did not know Rachel stole idols so he said if anyone did indeed take Laban's gods, that person could die! I don't think that Jacob didn't think anyone stole it, but that he didn't want a thief in his midst.
Rachel places the idols, which must have been very small, in a camel cushion and sat on them, pretending to have her period. This brings up some "how could people be so blind" questions: If Rachel and Laban knew that God made Jacob prosperous and had heard the voice of God, why would they want these silly little idols that could be hidden in a cushion? In fact, Jacob calls the household goods. (or objects or utensils)
There are a few other possible interpretations. In Torah study a Hebrew scholar pointed out that the word for idols is singular. Laban knew that God would leave with Jacob. The "you have outwitted me" means you have stolen my heart, which could mean stealing his daughters. Someone in Torah study said we should not interpret Laban as bad; he is our ancestor. Laban means white.
My fiancé pointed out another theme in this parsha, that of leaving fathers. Jacob left his and now Rachel, leaving hers, takes mementoes with her. Jacob was confronted with his actions towards his father when he accused Leah of deceiving him that first night in bed and she answered that he was the original deceiver.
Jacob became quite angry at Laban for rummaging through his things as if he were a criminal. Instead of 7 years, he has spent 20 years in Laban's service. It's about time he got angry. And during this time not one of Laban's flock miscarried. Jacob did not eat any of his rams. He served in both scorching and frosty weather, even when unable to sleep. And if it weren't for God's help, Jacob would now be empty handed because Laban had not willingly paid him what he promised.
Laban conceded, ungracefully, although "all Jacob has is really his, what can he do about it now?" So they made a pact not to harm each other, built a mound of stones and made a sacrifice. Laban also said Jacob better not take any wives besides his daughters - I guess he has noted Jacob's randiness.
Laban kissed his family goodbye, then left. Jacob continued on until he encountered angels of the Lord.
Supplementary Readings:
In Hosea 12:3-7, Jacob is criticized for trying to supplant his brother and for fighting a divine being until the being wept. Summarized so, it sounds as if Jacob was proud to a fault. Hosea said that we (like Jacob) had to return to our God, like Jacob did at Bethel, and practice goodness, justice and trust in the Lord. Micah’s book ends in 7:18 -20 with “Who is a God like You, forgiving iniquity and remitting transgression…You will keep faith with Jacob, Loyalty to Abraham, as You promised on oath to our fathers in days gone by.”
Collected from my thoughts, Midrash (usually Genesis Rabbah), TBI’s Torah study group and Midrashic Women by Judith Baskin. I blame no one but myself for all my negative thoughts about the behaviors of our patriarchs and matriarchs.
In previous parsha, Jacob has already received the birthright blessing of his father Isaac through trickery that was Rebekah's idea. Jacob did not protest that that was dishonest, just that his father would recognize his smooth, hairless skin and would curse him as a trickster. (Esau must have been very, very hairy if Rebekah had to affix goat kid skin to him!)
Jacob left his home before Esau could kill him because Rebekah has persuaded (through negativity) Isaac to make sure Jacob found a wife from among their kin. Isaac told Jacob to go choose a wife from Laban's daughters. (Laban is Rebekah's brother, so all these girls would be his nieces.) Isaac says, "May El Shaddai bless you..."
This parsha begins with "Jacob left Beer-sheba and set out for Haran." The place where he first stopped for the night was a holy place, actually Mount Moriah according to the Rabbis, although Jacob did not know it. He placed his head on a stone for a pillow. Rabbi Eliezer said Jacob "met" this place; other rabbis said that the word for his arrival could also mean "prayer", though it was not the usual expression for prayer. Somehow it connotes that the earth, or even the mountain, sprang forward to meet him there. I am afraid I don’t yet know Hebrew, so I can not explain how this is. In Genesis Rabbah, the Rabbis also said the sun set suddenly, forcing him to stop there in this holy place. Genesis Rabbah further goes on to say that "he lay down in that place" implied a restrictiveness, that he never laid down to rest during all his service with Laban, because he was so engaged in Torah study!!!
And is this the inspiration for the Eagles' Stairway to Heaven? "He had a dream; a stairway was set on the ground and its top reached to the sky and angels of God were going up and down on it." God appeared to him in the dream, saying, "I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac..." Here, although it is a little early, we can use Martin Buber's idea:
Martin Buber - "Why do we say: 'our God and the God of our fathers'? There are two kinds of people who believe in God. One believes because he has taken over the faith of his fathers, and his faith is strong. The other has arrived at faith through thinking and studying... The advantage of the first is that, no matter what arguments may be brought against it, his faith cannot be shaken; his faith is firm because it was taken over from his fathers. But there is one flaw in it: he has faith only in response to the command of man and he has acquired it without studying and thinking for himself. The advantage of the second is that, because he found God through much thinking, he has arrived at a faith of his own. But here too there is a flaw: it is easy to shake his faith by refuting it through evidence. But he who unites both kinds of faith is invincible. And so we say 'our God' with reference to our studies and 'God of our fathers' with an eye to tradition. The same interpretation has been given to our saying 'God of Abraham, God of Isaac and God of Jacob' and not 'God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob', for this indicates that Isaac and Jacob did not merely take over the tradition of Abraham; they themselves searched for God."
God also made the promise to Jacob that his offspring will be the "dust of the earth", which I read as uncountable, essential to living, frequently overlooked and mortal, as in we will return to dust. God said "all the families of the earth" (which could mean of the dust of the earth rather than literally everyone on the earth, since that would not be true) "shall bless themselves by you and your descendants." And still today, we Jews do. God promised he would not leave Jacob until he brought him back to the land and did what he promised. This is a better promise than Abraham got! But Jacob, although shaken and awed, still says "If God remains with me and protects me on this journey... and gives me bread... and clothing... (then) the Lord shall be my God... And I will set aside a tithe." Would you or I, if God spoke with us so, be so bold as to bargain and express disbelief? I hope not.
There's an unusual amount of detail about the well, Gen 29: how large the stone was that covered the well and that flocks of sheep had to wait for someone to roll the stone off the well before they could drink. It says there were three flocks of sheep waiting, but does not mention the shepherds; we are supposed to know that Jacob addresses them when he says, "My friends, where are you from?" In an amazing coincidence when he asked if the shepherds know Laban, they replied that his daughter Rachel was coming now with her father's flock. Jacob urged them to uncover the well but they said they have to wait for all the flocks. I supposed he is showing eagerness to get them off so he might speak with her. The Rabbis explained he thought they are loafing and should be working for their masters, so that is why he says they should water their sheep and go back to pasture.
Rachel was a shepherdess, a working girl! Jacob was so impressed by her; she was beautiful and shapely. He was filled with strength and rolled the stone off the well, ignoring what the others had said so she could water her sheep immediately. Then he KISSED! And he started crying and told her he was kin. The Rabbis thought he cried because he foresaw that they will not be buried together. Alternately, they thought it was because he came bearing no gifts. Even though kissing in welcome is a middle eastern thing, it must have still seemed overwhelming. She ran off to tell Laban, who ran up to greet him. Genesis Rabbah says Laban remembered how Abraham's servant brought many gifts and that is why he came running. The Rabbis so dislike Laban they say he hugged because he thought Jacob might have gold in his bosom and kissed because he thought Jacob might have pearls in his mouth!
Is this Laban the inspiration for Elton John’s Lebon, who liked his money and spent his days counting?
Jacob told Laban he was running from his brother and was penniless. He worked for Laban a month before Laban offered him wages. Jacob offered to serve Laban seven years for Rachel's hand in marriage. He specified Rachel, the younger daughter, lest there be any confusion. Although he wanted her and may have suspected Laban already, he had no gifts. Only his muscle.
The seven years passed very quickly. He asked for Rachel's hand so he "may cohabit with her!"
Laban made a big feast and Jacob must have gotten a little drunk. We are not told if Rachel knew what was happening (Megillot thinks she did and wished to spare her sister shame) but Laban gave Jacob Leah instead and somehow Jacob did not notice the difference until morning. Jacob complained to Laban, who said they marry the older girls first, but he can have the younger one also if he agreed to wait one week before taking possession of her and if he served another 7 years. It occurs to me here that the time for observing the wedding and sitting shiva are the same, 7 days.
The bitterness between these two sisters must have been great; jealousy from Leah and from Rachel, anger at the trickery and Jacob's enforced servitude.
In the Prayer class on the Jewish Day of Learning, Professor Deborah Greene said that it is possible that Leah prayed, because "The Lord saw that Leah was unloved and He opened her womb, but Rachel was barren." The first actual recorded prayer is later, from Samuel's mother, Hannah. But it seems likely that Leah cried out, at least.
Rachel, as we know from her later theft of idols, was an idolater. She went to Jacob and said, "Give me children or I shall die." "Jacob was incensed at Rachel and said, 'Can I take the place of God, who has denied you fruit of the womb?'" (Is this where the underwear company got their name?) So she gave him her maid Bilhah as a concubine. Unlike Sarah, Rachel was delighted to have children she could raise as her own, even if she had to find a surrogate. She said God had "vindicated her" and given her a son. When her maid bore a second son, she said she had waged "a fateful contest" against her sister and "prevailed." But I think unlike Sarah’s maid Hagar, Bilhah actually gave up her child.
Leah had already borne 4 sons before Rachel gave her maid as concubines. With the third son, Leah knew she had more than fulfilled the strongest interpretation of the commandment to be fruitful and multiply, which was to bear two sons. She named the first two. The third "was named" Levi, either by Jacob or by God. She realized how great the gift of the 4th son was; she named Judah and promised to praised the Lord. Leah clearly believed in God.
God had not withheld children from Jacob and Leah, but from Rachel. Maybe it was because of Rachel's idols? Or because she, as the more beautiful sister, was vain? Also, she seems to take her hold over Jacob for granted... See the mandrakes, below. When the maid's children are born, Rachel offers no praise, only an indignant sense that she is getting her due.
Leah, who was previously content, became unhappy that she has not borne any more children! So she gave her maid Zilpah to Jacob! Zilpah bears two sons.
Regarding my earlier comment that if I had to give my husband my maid as a concubine, I'd find a hairy and smelly maid, I suspect these women were not great beauties. After all, Laban, who was a greedy fellow, gave them up!
So far:
Leah's own children: Reuben, Simeon, Levi and Judah, all sons.
Leah's sons by her maid Zilpah: Gad and Asher
Rachel's sons by Bilhah: Dan and Naphtali.
And there is this bizarre scene, where Rachel wanted a few of the mandrakes Leah's son brought home, and Leah answered, "Was it not enough for you to take away my husband, that you would also take my son's mandrakes?" I really must try some mandrakes, because I can't imagine equating the two... And then Rachel answered that she will let Leah have Jacob for the night in exchange for mandrakes! Then Leah went out and met Jacob as he came back from the fields. She actually told him he was to sleep with her because she purchased him with mandrakes. Whoa!!!! What could Jacob have thought over being sold so cheaply by his favorite wife? Upon reading this, I texted my fiancé, "May our lovemaking and cuddling remain priceless, no matter how many years pass."
In fact, the Rabbis thought that Rachel's and Leah's assumption that they could choose who Jacob slept with was worthy of big punishment. Therefore, Rachel died younger and was not buried with her husband. And Leah's actions were disdained; her daughter Dinah was considered as just above a harlot.
Although Rachel is often called our mother, really Leah is, because all the tribes but Judah and Levi were wiped out or disappeared; thus we are also related to Laban. In Torah study, a lady read aloud: Rachel, who was Jacob's intended for the spiritual world, bore Joseph, who saved Israel, Leah, his intended for this world, bore Levi and Judah.
God "heeded Leah and she conceived, and bore him a fifth son." Leah seems to clearly understand the precedent mentioned above; when she becomes pregnant, she says that God honored her giving of her maid to Jacob. Leah bears Issachar and Zebulun before finally bearing Jacob's only daughter, Dinah. The Rabbis thought that while in utero, Dinah was turned from a boy into a girl because Leah realized that one more son would expose her sister to ridicule.
God finally "remembered Rachel." She bore Joseph. The Rabbis thought that Esau, who strangely had not yet seen Rachel, somehow lusted for her. If a couple had been married 10 years, the man was expected to divorce her just because she was barren. So not only must her joy have been great, but also her relief.
At this point, Jacob asked Laban for permission to leave with his wives and children. Laban knew that he has been blessed with livestock and sons because of Jacob; he tried to strike a deal so as not to lose his good fortune. Jacob answered, "When shall I make a provision for my own household?" (which of course has now grown very large!) They agreed to Jacob's suggestion that he remove all the dark, spotted and speckled sheep and goats. Jacob said this way Laban will be able to easily see that Jacob is not stealing from him. Laban agreed, no doubt thinking these are less worthy animals and also more rare. But just in case, Laban took all the speckled, dark and spotted animals and had his sons pasture them three days' journey away from Jacob. Laban must not have cared one iota for the welfare of his daughters or grandchildren! Jacob answered this with magic: he peeled strips of bark off sticks of poplar, almond and plane (or hazelnut) and put them in the water troughs so when the flocks came to drink, they would see the rods, come into heat, mate and bring forth speckled, spotted and dark offspring. Jacob also ensured he had sturdy offspring by judicious placement of the rods; if sturdy animals came to drink, he placed the rods in and if weak animals came, he did not. Of course I can't miss the symbolism of placing a rod in a trough to ensure fertility!
Laban's sons started speaking badly of Jacob, as if he were stealing from them. Jacob called his wives out to the field and told them that he had served their father with all his might, but their father had cheated him time and time again. He told his wives the reason for his prosperity was not dishonesty, but because God would not let Laban harm him. He told them that God told him it was time to go home to his family. His wives sided with him.
Rachel then stole her father's idols. Jacob sent his wives, children and livestock on towards his homeland first, while continuing to serve Laban, presumably to give his wives a fair chance against being pursued. Then Jacob left. It was three days before Laban knew. Laban pursued them for seven days, finally catching them in Gilead. God appeared to Laban in a dream and warned against doing anything, good or bad, with Jacob. Laban said Jacob should not have run off without saying goodbye. He admitted that God warned him not to attempt anything with Jacob, but then he asked Jacob why he stole his gods!!! Jacob did not know Rachel stole idols so he said if anyone did indeed take Laban's gods, that person could die! I don't think that Jacob didn't think anyone stole it, but that he didn't want a thief in his midst.
Rachel places the idols, which must have been very small, in a camel cushion and sat on them, pretending to have her period. This brings up some "how could people be so blind" questions: If Rachel and Laban knew that God made Jacob prosperous and had heard the voice of God, why would they want these silly little idols that could be hidden in a cushion? In fact, Jacob calls the household goods. (or objects or utensils)
There are a few other possible interpretations. In Torah study a Hebrew scholar pointed out that the word for idols is singular. Laban knew that God would leave with Jacob. The "you have outwitted me" means you have stolen my heart, which could mean stealing his daughters. Someone in Torah study said we should not interpret Laban as bad; he is our ancestor. Laban means white.
My fiancé pointed out another theme in this parsha, that of leaving fathers. Jacob left his and now Rachel, leaving hers, takes mementoes with her. Jacob was confronted with his actions towards his father when he accused Leah of deceiving him that first night in bed and she answered that he was the original deceiver.
Jacob became quite angry at Laban for rummaging through his things as if he were a criminal. Instead of 7 years, he has spent 20 years in Laban's service. It's about time he got angry. And during this time not one of Laban's flock miscarried. Jacob did not eat any of his rams. He served in both scorching and frosty weather, even when unable to sleep. And if it weren't for God's help, Jacob would now be empty handed because Laban had not willingly paid him what he promised.
Laban conceded, ungracefully, although "all Jacob has is really his, what can he do about it now?" So they made a pact not to harm each other, built a mound of stones and made a sacrifice. Laban also said Jacob better not take any wives besides his daughters - I guess he has noted Jacob's randiness.
Laban kissed his family goodbye, then left. Jacob continued on until he encountered angels of the Lord.
Supplementary Readings:
In Hosea 12:3-7, Jacob is criticized for trying to supplant his brother and for fighting a divine being until the being wept. Summarized so, it sounds as if Jacob was proud to a fault. Hosea said that we (like Jacob) had to return to our God, like Jacob did at Bethel, and practice goodness, justice and trust in the Lord. Micah’s book ends in 7:18 -20 with “Who is a God like You, forgiving iniquity and remitting transgression…You will keep faith with Jacob, Loyalty to Abraham, as You promised on oath to our fathers in days gone by.”
Torah portion Genesis 18:1-22:4
Torah portion Genesis 18:1-22:4
Collected from my thoughts, Midrash (usually Genesis Rabbah), TBI’s Torah study group and the books Midrashic Women by Judith Baskin and People of the Covenant by a group of non-Jewish scholars who are occasionally obviously anti-Israel but otherwise have good points. I blame no one but myself for all my negative thoughts about Abraham’s and Sarah’s behaviors.
The parsha begins with Abraham sitting at the entrance of his tent on a very hot day. Three "men" appeared before him; some say they were all angels and some say one was God, Himself. Abraham had many servants, but he hustled about to serve these men himself. He asked Sarah to prepare cakes of choice flour and a servant boy to prepare a tender calf. Abraham served these cakes with the calf and with curds and milk! This could well have been a Biblically kosher meal, but it most certainly was not a Rabbinically kosher meal. (Biblically kosher because the Torah does not say not to serve milk and meat products together. It says not to boil a kid in its mother's milk, which I interpret as an injunction against insensitivity to the mother since we are also not allowed to take eggs in front of a mother bird or kill a calf in front of its mother.)
Even Moses never got to see and talk to God man to man the way Abraham did. I wonder if God knew the founder of Judaism needed more attention. Or maybe this was Abraham’s reward for waiting on them himself, instead of having his servants do it. Abraham's relationship with God was familiar, almost. Because Abraham's God was friendly and is called El-Shaddai and El-Roy in this parsha, and El was the name of the Canaanite high God, some scholars have believed Abraham's God was not indeed the God of Moses, who resembled the Midianite high God, who was a God of volcanoes, fire and war.
The men/angels/Lord ate while Abraham hovered, ready to do whatever they asked. The one presumed to be God said he would return this time next year and Sarah would have a son. Sarah, listening in the tent behind them, laughed quietly to herself; she had stopped menstruating. "Now that I am withered, am I to have enjoyment, with my husband so old?" God asked Abraham why Sarah laughed. Sarah was frightened and lied about her laughing. But you must realize, for 24 years they had been hearing this; I think a moment's disbelief would be expected.
(Sarah is the first of three very beautiful women who were all related and all barren until God intervened. One, Rebekah, was only able to conceive after her husband, Isaac, prayed to God for a child. Two of them, Sarah and Rachel, did not conceive until they gave their husbands their maids as concubines. A fourth relative, Leah, understood precedence and gave Jacob her maid as a concubine when she wished to resume bearing children. If I were placed in such a position, I would interview maids until I found one who was not only capable, but also hirsute and odiferous!)
Abraham accompanied the "men" on their way towards Sodom. God mulled over whether or not to tell Abraham his plans to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Finally he decided to tell him the purpose of the trip: to see if they had mended their ways. Abraham, who must have been thinking partially of his nephew Lot, answered, "Will you sweep away the innocent along with the guilty? What if there should be fifty innocent...? Shall not the Judge of all the earth deal justly?" Abraham deals until God agrees to spare the land if there be but ten innocent. Then He and Abraham parted.
Lot met the "men" at the gate to Sodom and entreated them to stay with him. He prepared a feast for them. The townspeople began shouting at the door for him to bring them out. Lot went outside and tried to bargain with them to leave the "men" alone. As a woman, I truly hope he knew who was in his house, because what he does next to spare the men is terrible: he offers the townspeople his virgin daughters to do with as they please if they leave the men alone. The townspeople tried to break the door down, but the "men" grabbed Lot, brought him inside and struck those outside with a blinding light. The “men” urged Lot to get his family out of the city before the Lord destroyed it, to flee and not stop or even to look back. Lot was able not able to persuade his sons in law, but he took his two unmarried daughters and his wife and they fled. Lot's wife, however, looked back and was turned to a pillar of salt.
Abraham hurried the next morning to see that Sodom, Gomorrah and the Plains were all destroyed, with smoke rising still. We can only wonder if Abraham knew that Lot had been saved. The poor guy has repeatedly been promised that he will father a great nation and Lot is the closest thing he has to a son. In the paragraph below, you will notice that since only Lot’s virgin daughters survived, he almost did not continue his own line.
Lot was so afraid he and his daughters went to live in a cave. The girls, believing they would never again see another man, got their father drunk and had sex with him so they might have children. It is interesting, because God so repeatedly commands against incest, that the Davidic line has this incestuous start. (Not to mention all the half-sisters and nieces that became wives of the patriarchs.)
Abraham took his household to live between Kadesh and Shur. While traveling in Gerar, unfriendly territory, Abraham again said Sarah was his sister. King Abimelech (who was almost tricked again later by Isaac) took Sarah, but God appeared to him in a dream and warned he would die because Sarah was a married woman. Abimelech had not defiled her and protested that he was innocent and had believed lies. Abimelech called Abraham to him and ran him off after giving him many presents, including sheep and oxen, male and female slaves. So again Abraham profits from her!
However, after this, the Lord gave Sarah a son, whom they named Isaac. Abraham circumcised him at eight days old.
In Genesis Rabbah, the rabbis say that the matriarchs were barren because the Lord longed for their prayers. Once they turned their hearts fully to Him, He heeded their prayers. Moreover, when Sarah birthed, He filled the wombs of numerous barren women, healed many of deafness and blindness and insanity, removed doubt from those who did not believe, and even increased the brightness of the sun and moon, just because His heart was so gladdened by Sarah's prayer. Sarah was even said to produce fountains of milk so that noble women of many nations could bring their children to be suckled by her! The text says, 'Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would suckle children!' even though she only had one child. (Various Rabbis in Genesis Rabbah offer a number of other reasons for barrenness that seem a bit odd, like so she will remain beautiful to her husband… for 89 years, long past when their relationship was strained by the lack of children, long past when he could have divorced her for being barren? I prefer to believe that since they were all related, they may have had a family tendency towards inability to conceive.)
When Isaac was weaned, Abraham celebrated with a great feast. Then Sarah, watching Ishmael “playing” (which the Rabbis interpreted as playing lewdly or meanly) asked Abraham to cast away Hagar and Ishmael because she did not want them to receive Abraham's inheritance. (I like Judith Baskin’s comment, “Here, as elsewhere in biblical narratives, questionable human actions, driven by the most elemental emotions, are presented as fulfillments of a larger, predetermined plan.” If Hagar and Ishmael had been allowed to stay, Ishmael may have thwarted the divine promise that Isaac would carry on Abraham’s name as founder of a great nation.) So after losing Lot, Abraham now also loses Ishmael.
Abraham was upset to force his first child out, but God reassured him Ishmael would also live to found a great nation. Abraham gave them water and bread and sent them on their way. They became lost and Hagar cried, afraid that her son would die of thirst. An angel of God told Hagar that God heard the boy's cries and opened her eyes so she might see a well of water. Ishmael drank, and from there on, God was with him.
During this time period, Abimelech and Abraham made a pact not to deal falsely with each other. Abraham gave sheep and oxen to Abimelech. They agreed that Abraham dug and owned a well that had been in dispute. (They named it Beer-sheba and it would come up again later, when Jacob stopped there for the night.)
The parsha ends when God tells Abraham told to sacrifice his favorite son, Isaac, the son he waited a lifetime to have! Human sacrifice was common among pagans because they believed in order to guarantee future fertility, they had to sacrifice their firstborn child to fertility gods. Abraham may have been horrified, but we do not know it. Then again, he may have recalled how many times God had promised him that through Isaac, he would father a great nation, so maybe he did not believe it would actually happen. In any case, Abraham saddled his ass and took two servants and Isaac on a journey to Mount Moriah, which would later become the Temple Mount.
On the third day, Abraham asked his servants to stay and wait for them to return after they worship. He had Isaac carry the wood for his own funeral! Isaac asked his father where the ram was for the burnt offering and Abraham answered that God would provide it. When they reached the proper place, Abraham built an altar, built a fire and bound Isaac, who could have fought for his life, but apparently did not. Abraham had the knife ready when an angel of the Lord calls Abraham to stop. Abraham had passed this test. A ram appears in the thicket. Abraham released his son and offered the ram instead. The angel promised again that Abraham shall have "descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven and the sands on the seashore."
Collected from my thoughts, Midrash (usually Genesis Rabbah), TBI’s Torah study group and the books Midrashic Women by Judith Baskin and People of the Covenant by a group of non-Jewish scholars who are occasionally obviously anti-Israel but otherwise have good points. I blame no one but myself for all my negative thoughts about Abraham’s and Sarah’s behaviors.
The parsha begins with Abraham sitting at the entrance of his tent on a very hot day. Three "men" appeared before him; some say they were all angels and some say one was God, Himself. Abraham had many servants, but he hustled about to serve these men himself. He asked Sarah to prepare cakes of choice flour and a servant boy to prepare a tender calf. Abraham served these cakes with the calf and with curds and milk! This could well have been a Biblically kosher meal, but it most certainly was not a Rabbinically kosher meal. (Biblically kosher because the Torah does not say not to serve milk and meat products together. It says not to boil a kid in its mother's milk, which I interpret as an injunction against insensitivity to the mother since we are also not allowed to take eggs in front of a mother bird or kill a calf in front of its mother.)
Even Moses never got to see and talk to God man to man the way Abraham did. I wonder if God knew the founder of Judaism needed more attention. Or maybe this was Abraham’s reward for waiting on them himself, instead of having his servants do it. Abraham's relationship with God was familiar, almost. Because Abraham's God was friendly and is called El-Shaddai and El-Roy in this parsha, and El was the name of the Canaanite high God, some scholars have believed Abraham's God was not indeed the God of Moses, who resembled the Midianite high God, who was a God of volcanoes, fire and war.
The men/angels/Lord ate while Abraham hovered, ready to do whatever they asked. The one presumed to be God said he would return this time next year and Sarah would have a son. Sarah, listening in the tent behind them, laughed quietly to herself; she had stopped menstruating. "Now that I am withered, am I to have enjoyment, with my husband so old?" God asked Abraham why Sarah laughed. Sarah was frightened and lied about her laughing. But you must realize, for 24 years they had been hearing this; I think a moment's disbelief would be expected.
(Sarah is the first of three very beautiful women who were all related and all barren until God intervened. One, Rebekah, was only able to conceive after her husband, Isaac, prayed to God for a child. Two of them, Sarah and Rachel, did not conceive until they gave their husbands their maids as concubines. A fourth relative, Leah, understood precedence and gave Jacob her maid as a concubine when she wished to resume bearing children. If I were placed in such a position, I would interview maids until I found one who was not only capable, but also hirsute and odiferous!)
Abraham accompanied the "men" on their way towards Sodom. God mulled over whether or not to tell Abraham his plans to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Finally he decided to tell him the purpose of the trip: to see if they had mended their ways. Abraham, who must have been thinking partially of his nephew Lot, answered, "Will you sweep away the innocent along with the guilty? What if there should be fifty innocent...? Shall not the Judge of all the earth deal justly?" Abraham deals until God agrees to spare the land if there be but ten innocent. Then He and Abraham parted.
Lot met the "men" at the gate to Sodom and entreated them to stay with him. He prepared a feast for them. The townspeople began shouting at the door for him to bring them out. Lot went outside and tried to bargain with them to leave the "men" alone. As a woman, I truly hope he knew who was in his house, because what he does next to spare the men is terrible: he offers the townspeople his virgin daughters to do with as they please if they leave the men alone. The townspeople tried to break the door down, but the "men" grabbed Lot, brought him inside and struck those outside with a blinding light. The “men” urged Lot to get his family out of the city before the Lord destroyed it, to flee and not stop or even to look back. Lot was able not able to persuade his sons in law, but he took his two unmarried daughters and his wife and they fled. Lot's wife, however, looked back and was turned to a pillar of salt.
Abraham hurried the next morning to see that Sodom, Gomorrah and the Plains were all destroyed, with smoke rising still. We can only wonder if Abraham knew that Lot had been saved. The poor guy has repeatedly been promised that he will father a great nation and Lot is the closest thing he has to a son. In the paragraph below, you will notice that since only Lot’s virgin daughters survived, he almost did not continue his own line.
Lot was so afraid he and his daughters went to live in a cave. The girls, believing they would never again see another man, got their father drunk and had sex with him so they might have children. It is interesting, because God so repeatedly commands against incest, that the Davidic line has this incestuous start. (Not to mention all the half-sisters and nieces that became wives of the patriarchs.)
Abraham took his household to live between Kadesh and Shur. While traveling in Gerar, unfriendly territory, Abraham again said Sarah was his sister. King Abimelech (who was almost tricked again later by Isaac) took Sarah, but God appeared to him in a dream and warned he would die because Sarah was a married woman. Abimelech had not defiled her and protested that he was innocent and had believed lies. Abimelech called Abraham to him and ran him off after giving him many presents, including sheep and oxen, male and female slaves. So again Abraham profits from her!
However, after this, the Lord gave Sarah a son, whom they named Isaac. Abraham circumcised him at eight days old.
In Genesis Rabbah, the rabbis say that the matriarchs were barren because the Lord longed for their prayers. Once they turned their hearts fully to Him, He heeded their prayers. Moreover, when Sarah birthed, He filled the wombs of numerous barren women, healed many of deafness and blindness and insanity, removed doubt from those who did not believe, and even increased the brightness of the sun and moon, just because His heart was so gladdened by Sarah's prayer. Sarah was even said to produce fountains of milk so that noble women of many nations could bring their children to be suckled by her! The text says, 'Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would suckle children!' even though she only had one child. (Various Rabbis in Genesis Rabbah offer a number of other reasons for barrenness that seem a bit odd, like so she will remain beautiful to her husband… for 89 years, long past when their relationship was strained by the lack of children, long past when he could have divorced her for being barren? I prefer to believe that since they were all related, they may have had a family tendency towards inability to conceive.)
When Isaac was weaned, Abraham celebrated with a great feast. Then Sarah, watching Ishmael “playing” (which the Rabbis interpreted as playing lewdly or meanly) asked Abraham to cast away Hagar and Ishmael because she did not want them to receive Abraham's inheritance. (I like Judith Baskin’s comment, “Here, as elsewhere in biblical narratives, questionable human actions, driven by the most elemental emotions, are presented as fulfillments of a larger, predetermined plan.” If Hagar and Ishmael had been allowed to stay, Ishmael may have thwarted the divine promise that Isaac would carry on Abraham’s name as founder of a great nation.) So after losing Lot, Abraham now also loses Ishmael.
Abraham was upset to force his first child out, but God reassured him Ishmael would also live to found a great nation. Abraham gave them water and bread and sent them on their way. They became lost and Hagar cried, afraid that her son would die of thirst. An angel of God told Hagar that God heard the boy's cries and opened her eyes so she might see a well of water. Ishmael drank, and from there on, God was with him.
During this time period, Abimelech and Abraham made a pact not to deal falsely with each other. Abraham gave sheep and oxen to Abimelech. They agreed that Abraham dug and owned a well that had been in dispute. (They named it Beer-sheba and it would come up again later, when Jacob stopped there for the night.)
The parsha ends when God tells Abraham told to sacrifice his favorite son, Isaac, the son he waited a lifetime to have! Human sacrifice was common among pagans because they believed in order to guarantee future fertility, they had to sacrifice their firstborn child to fertility gods. Abraham may have been horrified, but we do not know it. Then again, he may have recalled how many times God had promised him that through Isaac, he would father a great nation, so maybe he did not believe it would actually happen. In any case, Abraham saddled his ass and took two servants and Isaac on a journey to Mount Moriah, which would later become the Temple Mount.
On the third day, Abraham asked his servants to stay and wait for them to return after they worship. He had Isaac carry the wood for his own funeral! Isaac asked his father where the ram was for the burnt offering and Abraham answered that God would provide it. When they reached the proper place, Abraham built an altar, built a fire and bound Isaac, who could have fought for his life, but apparently did not. Abraham had the knife ready when an angel of the Lord calls Abraham to stop. Abraham had passed this test. A ram appears in the thicket. Abraham released his son and offered the ram instead. The angel promised again that Abraham shall have "descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven and the sands on the seashore."
Torah portion Genesis 12:1 – 17:27
Torah portion Genesis 12:1 – 17:27
Collected from my thoughts, my OneNote notes from multiple sources, Midrash (usually Genesis Rabbah), TBI’s Torah study group, Ten Rungs by Martin Buber and the books Midrashic Women by Judith Baskin and People of the Covenant by a group of non-Jewish scholars who are occasionally obviously anti-Israel but otherwise have good points. I blame no one but myself for all my negative thoughts about Abraham’s and Sarah’s behaviors.
A theme here is that we should trust in God and follow his wishes even though many years may pass before we know the full instruction or the outcome. The Lord promised land, which soon after Abram moved, did not support his household. The Lord also promised offspring, but Sarai was barren until she was 90 years old. There were many faith trials (Maimonides outlined ten in Abram's lifetime) but everything turned out well for Abram (who became Abraham) in the end.
The parsha also suggests to me (through Abram’s repeated conversations with God) that maybe in addition to waiting patiently, there may sometimes be a need to ask God in order to receive what is promised us!
In the previous parsha, Abram's father began this journey to Canaan with his family and stopped at Haran, which means crossroads. Torah does not explain the reason for this journey. Abram's father died.
When Abram is 75, God told him (according to the translation Rabbi Martin Buber used, which is different from my JPS edition): "Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto the land that I will show thee." Buber says: "'out of your country' means the dimness you have inflicted on yourself, 'out of your birthplace' means the dimness your mother has inflicted on you, 'out of the house of your father' means the dimness your father inflicted on you... Only then will you be able to go to the land I will show you." (See my thoughts, in italics, below) The Lord promised Abram would father a great nation, his name would be great and he would be a blessing. (Not that Abraham would bless us, but that he will be a blessing - meaning that others will learn and be blessed by Abraham's story.)
People of the Covenant says that within the Bible, there are three references to calculate the date of Abraham's journey. All start from the fourth year of Solomon's reign, which is accepted by science and religion to be accurate within a few years at 960 BCE. The arithmetic leads to dates of 1870, 2055 or 2085. People of the Covenant also says that there is no archaeological evidence that Abraham existed. Nor are there any extrabiblical sources mentioning him.
During this time period economic, environmental and political unrest caused civilizations to come and go quickly and many formerly agricultural types to revert to nomadism or semi nomadism. The Egyptians called wanderers who settled near them ‘Apiru, which later became Hebrew.
However, Jews, Muslims and Christians all claim Abraham as their ancestor. So we will assume that he existed for purposes of this parsha.
Why did God choose Abram? Since the parsha does not state it outright, we wonder and create theories. In Torah study, we discussed in 15:6 the Hebrew word for trust, which is related to word "amen", which means agreement. Abram's trust in God was his righteousness. Moreover, Midrash says Abram's father was an idol maker. Abram scorned worshipping things that could be burned or broken. He actually broke all the idols except the largest one, and then placed the sledgehammer in the lap of this last idol. His father returned and was furious when Abram suggested the big idol crushed all the smaller ones; his father exclaimed that idols cannot move! Abram had thus proved his point.
My thought: Leaving the house of his father could also mean leaving idolatry.
Midrash also says Abram testified mightily on God's behalf. The persons or souls (the word neshama is used in the text) he had acquired and brought with him to the Promised Land were converts (nefesh/souls). Included in these converts were Hagar, the daughter of Pharaoh and Eliezer, the son of Nimrod.
During the famine, Abram and his household left the land God promised him for Egypt. Curious that Promised Land would have severe famine so soon without any human wrongdoing.
Abram did eventually go back to his Promised Land - when he was tossed out on his rear for lying about Sarai. This is a difficult parsha for a woman to read. In Egypt, Abram asked Sarai to say she was his sister because she was very beautiful and someone desiring her might kill him to get her. Both Midrash and Torah say she was indeed his half-sister, so he wasn't completely lying. However, it appears to me he was pimping her so he could profit from her instead of possibly dying because of her. Since he didn't know, but only worried that he might be killed because of her, wasn't his behavior reprehensible? The Torah does not record Sarai's thoughts, but I'll bet they weren't happy ones. (However, Rabbi Maurice, in his devar at TBI, said he imagined a serious conversation between them and Sarai agreeing willingly.) As one lady pointed out in Torah study, at least she was "safe" since she was barren; she would not have a half Egyptian child.
Why wasn't Abram punished instead of Pharaoh? Pharaoh did not know he was taking a married woman. Was he rough with her? How did Pharaoh know that he was being punished by God because of Sarai ? Did God speak to him? My JPS version says simply that Sarai "was taken into Pharaoh's palace" but Rabbi Maurice said she was seized. If Abram had gone after her, I would be inclined to believe so, but the next sentence says because of her, Abram grew rich!
In our conversation later, Rabbi Maurice said he understands why I might not like Abraham very well after reading this parsha. He reminded me that a very serious famine forced them to travel to a foreign land that was very dangerous and beg for food. They were desperate. Sarai, especially, acted very bravely here. He also reminded me that the likeability of our patriarchs and matriarchs was never the point. We agreed that if they were perfect, we’d have less to study. But also he said we would be less likely to identify with them and feel that they were family. Rabbi Maurice said I might learn to identify with Abraham because like him, I firmly believe I should go against what I had been taught (and not taught) about religion by my family and society to vigorously pursue becoming Jewish. He said that Abraham's desire to worship only God in a land of idol worshippers was far more dangerous to him than my situation was likely ever to be for me, but perhaps though my own struggle, I might see how brave he was.
On the journey back to the Promised Land, Abram suggested he and his nephew Lot (who had lived with him since he was orphaned) split up amicably since there was not enough good pasture to support their livestock. Lot took the obviously lush pasture where they were rather than risking the return to the Promised Land. Thus, Abram made Lot happy without violating his own orders from God.
Abram showed great loyalty and bravery when Lot was captured. Lot, by the way, was an ancestor of Ruth, who was an ancestor of David, so it was a good thing Lot was saved! Since Abram only had 318 volunteer soldiers, none of them trained, his victory must have been with God's help. When allied kings offer him loot in reward, he says he wants nothing other than that his soldiers be compensated.
People of the Covenant, which I mentioned earlier is sometimes quite anti-Semite, had a really good point here that I somehow missed despite reading this parsha numerous times. Lot is the closest thing Abram has to a son for most of his life. When he and Lot split here, Abram has only Sarai. PotC does mention without belab
oring the son point that Abram rescues Lot. A sticky subject for many Torah readers is that Abram argues so earnestly to save Sodom but goes quietly up the hill to sacrifice Isaac. I think he does believe that Sodom will be destroyed (with his near-son Lot) but does not believe Isaac will be destroyed. More on that later.
God appears to Abram and tells him his "reward will be very great". Abram responds that he is childless and has only his faithful servant, who is not his flesh and blood. God asks him to look up at the heavens and try to count the stars; so will his own flesh and blood offspring be. God tells him to make a sacrifice. It was typical for people of that time to split an animal in half and for all the attendees of the sacrificial ritual to walk between the two halves, showing that they are accepting the animal's flesh in place of their own for the sacrifice. In this strange passage, only Abram and God are present. God is not physically present, but is a voice, and after Abram was acceptably fearful, a smoking oven and torch passed between the two halves of the offering. God speaks then, declaring "To your offspring I assign this land..." so it is fairly clear that God Himself has passed between the sacrificial animal halves. This is truly stunning.
Sarai, who was barren, gave Abram her maid Hagar to Abram as a concubine, hoping for offspring. In those times the firstborn son, and thus his mother, received half of his father’s inheritance. Any other sons split the remaining half. A barren woman received nothing. I suspect that Sarai expected to raise the child as her own and was disappointed to put it kindly, that Hagar kept the child.
When Hagar apparently was disrespectful to Sarai after she became pregnant, Sarai, instead of dealing with Hagar directly, chastised Abram! She actually says the Lord shall decide between him and her! She said it was his fault! (Who was it who didn't have children again? And who acted disrespectfully towards her mistress? Not Abram in either case. Since her anger towards him was irrational, I think she was still angry that she was traded to Pharaoh for livestock! She also seemed to expect Abram to stand up for her, which he did not.)
Genesis Rabbah excuses Sarai’s behavior by saying Hagar told others that if Sarai were truly righteous, she would not have been barren. If Hagar really spoke thus, Abram most certainly should have come to Sarai’s aid. Instead, he told her to do with Hagar whatever she thought was right. Embittered, Sarai was so cruel that Hagar ran away and had to be told by an angel to turn around and go back.
Even the Rabbis, who want so much to exalt Sarai and vilify Hagar, noticed the obvious sympathy towards Hagar at this point in the text. This meeting with an angel (or some say the Lord Himself) caused Talmudic rabbis, who did not themselves meet an angel (or the Lord) to wonder at the great merit this slave girl must have had, despite her relationship with Sarai.
Hagar's son was named Ishmael, which means "God will hear." His line also became a great nation, the nation of Islam.
God changed the names of both Abram and Sarai, adding an "h" sound to indicate holiness.
God told Abraham that every male in his household eight days old and up must be circumcised, even his purchased slaves. He further said he would bless Sarah with a son. Abraham threw himself to the ground, in the pose of submission he often took, possibly also to hide his laughter. Abraham threw himself on his face and laughed, as he said to himself, ‘Can a child be born to a man a hundred years old, or can Sarah bear a child at ninety?’ And Abraham said to God, ‘O that Ishmael might live by Your favor!’ God answered that Sarah will indeed have a son, to be named Isaac, for “laughter”.
Abraham immediately followed orders, circumcising possibly dozens of men and children on that very same day, including Ishmael. That cutting there should be a sign to God seems strange, but that organ is the organ the rabbis considered the one in charge of procreation (women's organs didn't count) and procreation is the only way we can be like God, by creating life.
The parsha ends here, just before Abraham meets three angels, one of whom may have been God Himself. This parsha is often read with Isaiah 40:27-41:16; in my ignorance I wonder why it is assigned to the parsha of Abraham, since it speaks often of Jacob. But I am struck by Isaiah 41:8, in which God says, “My servant Jacob, whom I have chosen, Seed of Abraham, My friend.” And as you will see, Abraham indeed meets three divine beings as friends.
Collected from my thoughts, my OneNote notes from multiple sources, Midrash (usually Genesis Rabbah), TBI’s Torah study group, Ten Rungs by Martin Buber and the books Midrashic Women by Judith Baskin and People of the Covenant by a group of non-Jewish scholars who are occasionally obviously anti-Israel but otherwise have good points. I blame no one but myself for all my negative thoughts about Abraham’s and Sarah’s behaviors.
A theme here is that we should trust in God and follow his wishes even though many years may pass before we know the full instruction or the outcome. The Lord promised land, which soon after Abram moved, did not support his household. The Lord also promised offspring, but Sarai was barren until she was 90 years old. There were many faith trials (Maimonides outlined ten in Abram's lifetime) but everything turned out well for Abram (who became Abraham) in the end.
The parsha also suggests to me (through Abram’s repeated conversations with God) that maybe in addition to waiting patiently, there may sometimes be a need to ask God in order to receive what is promised us!
In the previous parsha, Abram's father began this journey to Canaan with his family and stopped at Haran, which means crossroads. Torah does not explain the reason for this journey. Abram's father died.
When Abram is 75, God told him (according to the translation Rabbi Martin Buber used, which is different from my JPS edition): "Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto the land that I will show thee." Buber says: "'out of your country' means the dimness you have inflicted on yourself, 'out of your birthplace' means the dimness your mother has inflicted on you, 'out of the house of your father' means the dimness your father inflicted on you... Only then will you be able to go to the land I will show you." (See my thoughts, in italics, below) The Lord promised Abram would father a great nation, his name would be great and he would be a blessing. (Not that Abraham would bless us, but that he will be a blessing - meaning that others will learn and be blessed by Abraham's story.)
People of the Covenant says that within the Bible, there are three references to calculate the date of Abraham's journey. All start from the fourth year of Solomon's reign, which is accepted by science and religion to be accurate within a few years at 960 BCE. The arithmetic leads to dates of 1870, 2055 or 2085. People of the Covenant also says that there is no archaeological evidence that Abraham existed. Nor are there any extrabiblical sources mentioning him.
During this time period economic, environmental and political unrest caused civilizations to come and go quickly and many formerly agricultural types to revert to nomadism or semi nomadism. The Egyptians called wanderers who settled near them ‘Apiru, which later became Hebrew.
However, Jews, Muslims and Christians all claim Abraham as their ancestor. So we will assume that he existed for purposes of this parsha.
Why did God choose Abram? Since the parsha does not state it outright, we wonder and create theories. In Torah study, we discussed in 15:6 the Hebrew word for trust, which is related to word "amen", which means agreement. Abram's trust in God was his righteousness. Moreover, Midrash says Abram's father was an idol maker. Abram scorned worshipping things that could be burned or broken. He actually broke all the idols except the largest one, and then placed the sledgehammer in the lap of this last idol. His father returned and was furious when Abram suggested the big idol crushed all the smaller ones; his father exclaimed that idols cannot move! Abram had thus proved his point.
My thought: Leaving the house of his father could also mean leaving idolatry.
Midrash also says Abram testified mightily on God's behalf. The persons or souls (the word neshama is used in the text) he had acquired and brought with him to the Promised Land were converts (nefesh/souls). Included in these converts were Hagar, the daughter of Pharaoh and Eliezer, the son of Nimrod.
During the famine, Abram and his household left the land God promised him for Egypt. Curious that Promised Land would have severe famine so soon without any human wrongdoing.
Abram did eventually go back to his Promised Land - when he was tossed out on his rear for lying about Sarai. This is a difficult parsha for a woman to read. In Egypt, Abram asked Sarai to say she was his sister because she was very beautiful and someone desiring her might kill him to get her. Both Midrash and Torah say she was indeed his half-sister, so he wasn't completely lying. However, it appears to me he was pimping her so he could profit from her instead of possibly dying because of her. Since he didn't know, but only worried that he might be killed because of her, wasn't his behavior reprehensible? The Torah does not record Sarai's thoughts, but I'll bet they weren't happy ones. (However, Rabbi Maurice, in his devar at TBI, said he imagined a serious conversation between them and Sarai agreeing willingly.) As one lady pointed out in Torah study, at least she was "safe" since she was barren; she would not have a half Egyptian child.
Why wasn't Abram punished instead of Pharaoh? Pharaoh did not know he was taking a married woman. Was he rough with her? How did Pharaoh know that he was being punished by God because of Sarai ? Did God speak to him? My JPS version says simply that Sarai "was taken into Pharaoh's palace" but Rabbi Maurice said she was seized. If Abram had gone after her, I would be inclined to believe so, but the next sentence says because of her, Abram grew rich!
In our conversation later, Rabbi Maurice said he understands why I might not like Abraham very well after reading this parsha. He reminded me that a very serious famine forced them to travel to a foreign land that was very dangerous and beg for food. They were desperate. Sarai, especially, acted very bravely here. He also reminded me that the likeability of our patriarchs and matriarchs was never the point. We agreed that if they were perfect, we’d have less to study. But also he said we would be less likely to identify with them and feel that they were family. Rabbi Maurice said I might learn to identify with Abraham because like him, I firmly believe I should go against what I had been taught (and not taught) about religion by my family and society to vigorously pursue becoming Jewish. He said that Abraham's desire to worship only God in a land of idol worshippers was far more dangerous to him than my situation was likely ever to be for me, but perhaps though my own struggle, I might see how brave he was.
On the journey back to the Promised Land, Abram suggested he and his nephew Lot (who had lived with him since he was orphaned) split up amicably since there was not enough good pasture to support their livestock. Lot took the obviously lush pasture where they were rather than risking the return to the Promised Land. Thus, Abram made Lot happy without violating his own orders from God.
Abram showed great loyalty and bravery when Lot was captured. Lot, by the way, was an ancestor of Ruth, who was an ancestor of David, so it was a good thing Lot was saved! Since Abram only had 318 volunteer soldiers, none of them trained, his victory must have been with God's help. When allied kings offer him loot in reward, he says he wants nothing other than that his soldiers be compensated.
People of the Covenant, which I mentioned earlier is sometimes quite anti-Semite, had a really good point here that I somehow missed despite reading this parsha numerous times. Lot is the closest thing Abram has to a son for most of his life. When he and Lot split here, Abram has only Sarai. PotC does mention without belab
oring the son point that Abram rescues Lot. A sticky subject for many Torah readers is that Abram argues so earnestly to save Sodom but goes quietly up the hill to sacrifice Isaac. I think he does believe that Sodom will be destroyed (with his near-son Lot) but does not believe Isaac will be destroyed. More on that later.
God appears to Abram and tells him his "reward will be very great". Abram responds that he is childless and has only his faithful servant, who is not his flesh and blood. God asks him to look up at the heavens and try to count the stars; so will his own flesh and blood offspring be. God tells him to make a sacrifice. It was typical for people of that time to split an animal in half and for all the attendees of the sacrificial ritual to walk between the two halves, showing that they are accepting the animal's flesh in place of their own for the sacrifice. In this strange passage, only Abram and God are present. God is not physically present, but is a voice, and after Abram was acceptably fearful, a smoking oven and torch passed between the two halves of the offering. God speaks then, declaring "To your offspring I assign this land..." so it is fairly clear that God Himself has passed between the sacrificial animal halves. This is truly stunning.
Sarai, who was barren, gave Abram her maid Hagar to Abram as a concubine, hoping for offspring. In those times the firstborn son, and thus his mother, received half of his father’s inheritance. Any other sons split the remaining half. A barren woman received nothing. I suspect that Sarai expected to raise the child as her own and was disappointed to put it kindly, that Hagar kept the child.
When Hagar apparently was disrespectful to Sarai after she became pregnant, Sarai, instead of dealing with Hagar directly, chastised Abram! She actually says the Lord shall decide between him and her! She said it was his fault! (Who was it who didn't have children again? And who acted disrespectfully towards her mistress? Not Abram in either case. Since her anger towards him was irrational, I think she was still angry that she was traded to Pharaoh for livestock! She also seemed to expect Abram to stand up for her, which he did not.)
Genesis Rabbah excuses Sarai’s behavior by saying Hagar told others that if Sarai were truly righteous, she would not have been barren. If Hagar really spoke thus, Abram most certainly should have come to Sarai’s aid. Instead, he told her to do with Hagar whatever she thought was right. Embittered, Sarai was so cruel that Hagar ran away and had to be told by an angel to turn around and go back.
Even the Rabbis, who want so much to exalt Sarai and vilify Hagar, noticed the obvious sympathy towards Hagar at this point in the text. This meeting with an angel (or some say the Lord Himself) caused Talmudic rabbis, who did not themselves meet an angel (or the Lord) to wonder at the great merit this slave girl must have had, despite her relationship with Sarai.
Hagar's son was named Ishmael, which means "God will hear." His line also became a great nation, the nation of Islam.
God changed the names of both Abram and Sarai, adding an "h" sound to indicate holiness.
God told Abraham that every male in his household eight days old and up must be circumcised, even his purchased slaves. He further said he would bless Sarah with a son. Abraham threw himself to the ground, in the pose of submission he often took, possibly also to hide his laughter. Abraham threw himself on his face and laughed, as he said to himself, ‘Can a child be born to a man a hundred years old, or can Sarah bear a child at ninety?’ And Abraham said to God, ‘O that Ishmael might live by Your favor!’ God answered that Sarah will indeed have a son, to be named Isaac, for “laughter”.
Abraham immediately followed orders, circumcising possibly dozens of men and children on that very same day, including Ishmael. That cutting there should be a sign to God seems strange, but that organ is the organ the rabbis considered the one in charge of procreation (women's organs didn't count) and procreation is the only way we can be like God, by creating life.
The parsha ends here, just before Abraham meets three angels, one of whom may have been God Himself. This parsha is often read with Isaiah 40:27-41:16; in my ignorance I wonder why it is assigned to the parsha of Abraham, since it speaks often of Jacob. But I am struck by Isaiah 41:8, in which God says, “My servant Jacob, whom I have chosen, Seed of Abraham, My friend.” And as you will see, Abraham indeed meets three divine beings as friends.
Catching Up and Torah Study in Eugene, Oregon
Catching Up and Torah Study in Eugene, Oregon
I am now working full time, going to college full time and in love full time, so I have neglected this blog for a while. In the next few days I’m going to upload essays and parshas I wrote days, weeks or even months ago.
Friday Nov 12, I met with Rabbi Maurice at Temple Beth Israel to discuss my conversion. I last met with him about 6 months ago. We discussed my progress and when to actually convene the Bet Din.
I showed him an enormous Jewish reference guide I’m making myself in Microsoft’s OneNote, with separate folders including History, Jewish Philosophers (with a separate folder just for Maimonides), Hebrew and Yiddish, Prayers and Rituals, Torah, Talmud, Midrash, Torah Portions, My Thoughts, Media (I’ve read or watched or want to read or watch), Kashrut, Jewish Feminism, Jewish Marriage, Denominations, the Arab Jewish Conflict, etc. He was pretty much blown away. Most of it is notes from books, especially the History one, which goes chronologically from Abraham to the present. I don’t bother quoting my sources there, but I do in the Philosophers, Torah, Talmud, etc.
For those of you who are new to Jewish terminology, portion and parsha are used interchangeably to indicate the weekly Sabbath reading from the Torah, the five books of Moses that Jews read in entirety on a yearly cycle. If you pick up a Torah, the portions are often listed after the Table of Contents. Jews worldwide in nearly every denomination follow the same schedule of readings (although an occasional group will read the Torah over a period of three years) and conclude the year with a ceremony, Simchat Torah, celebrating reading to the end of the Torah – and then begin back at Genesis on the same day! It’s one of many ways we are connected with each other, despite the vastness of the diaspora.
The Torah Portions folder is almost entirely written by me rather than quotes or thoughts from others. I do distinguish when I get an idea from Midrash or Talmud and usually reference it generally (i.e. Genesis Rabbah), rather than citing pages and sages. I rarely quote the text directly, partially because it usually begins: “Rabbi so and so said in the name of Rabbi such and such and Rav so and so…” and I would get so tired of typing I probably wouldn’t get very far. When using discussion from TBI’s Saturday morning Torah study group I will say “in Torah study” rather than naming individuals. I haven’t asked anyone for permission to quote them. I don’t really want to, either, for fear that people might speak a lot less naturally, in case one of the whopping four people who read my blog might have negative thoughts!
This Torah study group is fantastic; if you are ever in Eugene on a Saturday morning, you should definitely come by. The group varies in size from about 5 people to about 25 and exhibits the entire range of Judaism: those who lean towards Hasidism, or are straight from the Torah literalists, or consult astrology, or believe themselves culturally but not religiously Jewish, or are serious scholars, or are seriously-wanna-be scholars (me!), or are professionals in psychology fields, Israeli natives, conservatives, liberals, etc., etc. On my way driving in, I often think of seven or eight points I’d like to make, but often I am so fascinated to just listen and I may make only two or three points.
I will have time to write and upload about a quarter of the Torah portions. To search Torah portions on this site, just type the Book, chapter and verse, i.e. Genesis 12:1. I should warn that these are written rather quickly and include quite a bit of summary along with a few devar worthy bits. However, I have found that the observations of a thoughtful long time outsider are sometimes useful to someone who grew up Jewish.
I am now working full time, going to college full time and in love full time, so I have neglected this blog for a while. In the next few days I’m going to upload essays and parshas I wrote days, weeks or even months ago.
Friday Nov 12, I met with Rabbi Maurice at Temple Beth Israel to discuss my conversion. I last met with him about 6 months ago. We discussed my progress and when to actually convene the Bet Din.
I showed him an enormous Jewish reference guide I’m making myself in Microsoft’s OneNote, with separate folders including History, Jewish Philosophers (with a separate folder just for Maimonides), Hebrew and Yiddish, Prayers and Rituals, Torah, Talmud, Midrash, Torah Portions, My Thoughts, Media (I’ve read or watched or want to read or watch), Kashrut, Jewish Feminism, Jewish Marriage, Denominations, the Arab Jewish Conflict, etc. He was pretty much blown away. Most of it is notes from books, especially the History one, which goes chronologically from Abraham to the present. I don’t bother quoting my sources there, but I do in the Philosophers, Torah, Talmud, etc.
For those of you who are new to Jewish terminology, portion and parsha are used interchangeably to indicate the weekly Sabbath reading from the Torah, the five books of Moses that Jews read in entirety on a yearly cycle. If you pick up a Torah, the portions are often listed after the Table of Contents. Jews worldwide in nearly every denomination follow the same schedule of readings (although an occasional group will read the Torah over a period of three years) and conclude the year with a ceremony, Simchat Torah, celebrating reading to the end of the Torah – and then begin back at Genesis on the same day! It’s one of many ways we are connected with each other, despite the vastness of the diaspora.
The Torah Portions folder is almost entirely written by me rather than quotes or thoughts from others. I do distinguish when I get an idea from Midrash or Talmud and usually reference it generally (i.e. Genesis Rabbah), rather than citing pages and sages. I rarely quote the text directly, partially because it usually begins: “Rabbi so and so said in the name of Rabbi such and such and Rav so and so…” and I would get so tired of typing I probably wouldn’t get very far. When using discussion from TBI’s Saturday morning Torah study group I will say “in Torah study” rather than naming individuals. I haven’t asked anyone for permission to quote them. I don’t really want to, either, for fear that people might speak a lot less naturally, in case one of the whopping four people who read my blog might have negative thoughts!
This Torah study group is fantastic; if you are ever in Eugene on a Saturday morning, you should definitely come by. The group varies in size from about 5 people to about 25 and exhibits the entire range of Judaism: those who lean towards Hasidism, or are straight from the Torah literalists, or consult astrology, or believe themselves culturally but not religiously Jewish, or are serious scholars, or are seriously-wanna-be scholars (me!), or are professionals in psychology fields, Israeli natives, conservatives, liberals, etc., etc. On my way driving in, I often think of seven or eight points I’d like to make, but often I am so fascinated to just listen and I may make only two or three points.
I will have time to write and upload about a quarter of the Torah portions. To search Torah portions on this site, just type the Book, chapter and verse, i.e. Genesis 12:1. I should warn that these are written rather quickly and include quite a bit of summary along with a few devar worthy bits. However, I have found that the observations of a thoughtful long time outsider are sometimes useful to someone who grew up Jewish.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Tish'a B'Av and Thoughts on the Modern American Diet
Tish’a B’Av and Thoughts on the Modern American Diet
July 19th, 2010, the evening before Tish’a B’Av
For those who have not heard of the 9th of Av, it is the day repeatedly chosen by people (most likely) or by God or nature (perhaps) to inflict terrible punishments on mankind, but especially on the Jewish people.
Traditionally Jews around the world gather after nightfall the evening before to mourn and to meditate, quietly in dim light, with shoes off.
I expected an evening of candlelight and wailing. I arrived early, despite being warned that the juncture of West Coast time and Jewish time is at least half an hour after I have checked my schedule to see if I showed up on the wrong day.
I asked Rabbi Yitz how I could help and he asked me to pass out copies of liturgy to the arriving congregants. I was happy to do so; I socialize better when I have a job to do.
Possibly thirty people arrived. I handed out liturgy and we whispered hellos. We removed our shoes at the door and entered the sanctuary quietly. There were cushions on the floor in front of the pews. Two large pots were tipped over sideways before fabric in a wave pattern and a dead bird lying feet up: a visual reference to the BP oil catastrophe in the Gulf.
I was disappointed that we read paragraphs from Lamentations by turns around the room. It seemed we were distracted from the spirit of the event by paying attention to whose turn it was. I would have preferred that two or three people shared the reading under lights while the rest of us absorbed words in near darkness.
I found myself looking at everyone, noting who looked Israeli, who had an accent, who looked as much a convert as I do. There were two men with pleasant baritone voices and strong lungs, a woman whose radiant smile is incredibly contagious, a tattooed man who looks tough but is very sweet. I admired the family I always see together: an Israeli-looking man with his fine hawk nose and copper skin, his wife, son and a twenty-ish daughter with glorious, curly, dark hair. She went up before the congregation at Shabbat services a few days before and did very well.
I worried over my inglorious bare feet with untrimmed toenails. I had forgotten we would be removing our shoes.
I recognized one lady as the daughter of Holocaust survivors and wondered if any others were present.
Two men held their heads in their hands. One looked like he could be the brother of the man I had loved sadly for eighteen years. At the beginning of the service, Rabbi said we needed to reach inside us and find the place where this deep sorrow for all humanity lay. Although he said some of us found this sorrow in relationships, I did not want to think about this man tonight.
I wanted to think about the histories of all of our families, how some distant ancestor of mine may have caused pain to some distant ancestor of someone in the room and vici versa. I wanted to remember how universal human wants and needs are, regardless of social station or religion. How pointless and wrong are our fights over minor differences!
I remembered the conclusion of Middlemarch, which I found frustrating as a budding feminist when I read it in high school. An intelligent and loving woman used her influence where she was able, in reaching out to those in her immediate surroundings.
I surprised myself now by finding that ending noble and good. Can I do that? Can I begin a little domino effect? If I am mindful to radiate peace, can I influence others to radiate peace? I remember hearing a famous relationship coach say to give honest compliments whenever you can. This I do daily, without thought. They roll out of me because I admire and love easily. But peace? Peace I really need to work on.
Peace comes partially from gratitude, from not worrying about the future because you are thankful for what and who you have now. In the worst recession in Oregon’s history, probably many people are struggling to feel thankful.
Who I have has always been a problem for me, although I feel more peace in a quiet single life than a difficult married life.
I have given up the farm and now live in a motor home, but I am not hungry. Although I earn a fifth of what I made just a few years ago, I remember far worse times, when I only had $4.00 a week with which to buy groceries. I bought brown flour or brown rice, a dozen eggs, a pound of carrots and an onion. I made bread, pancakes, rice burgers, stir fries over rice… as much variety as I could manage. I searched for dandelion greens and onion grass in our city neighborhood. I fed the children at every meal but usually only ate one small meal a day, myself. Someone I knew started calling me The Amazing Two Inch Wide Woman. As I shrunk from a snug size 8 to a loose 4, I heard Auschwitz comments, as well.
In Lamentations, we read aloud of mind numbing hunger, of how much worse it was to watch people waste away or eat their children than to die in battle. I shuddered with horror, although I‘d read it before.
I remember hunger, but experienced nothing like that of the Jews while the Romans raged at Jerusalem’s walls or of the Jews crowded into concentration camps.
It occurred to me as I drove home that I should commemorate the 9th of Av by eating small quantities of flavorless livestock fodder like people ate in concentration camps: part of a potato in broth that was really just the cooking water. If they didn’t eat potatoes, they ate lumps of bread, but I am afraid to do that since I react badly to gluten. I’m not trying to die, to get sick, or even to fast for weight loss, since I love food and hate dieting. I need to have enough energy to get up early, drive to work, help people bigger than I am get in and out of beds and wheel chairs, drive home, walk the dogs, etc. It wouldn’t be a mitzvah to the living if I was so fuzzy headed I was unable to help them. I guess what I seek is the dietary equivalent of wearing a sackcloth - making myself uncomfortable so I remember and repent.
If there is a Heaven, which I have doubted my whole life, I want to show an honest effort to understand the pain of those in Heaven who were killed inhumanely. Who knows? Perhaps I will reach a state like American Indians who went into the wilds alone seeking visions. Perhaps I will have a vision.
Since I’m not a junk food junkie, I suppose I have a head start on this. But I am exceptionally fond of Larabars and coconut milk. I came home and put them away, out of sight. I opened the refrigerator and set limits: no spices, no sauces, no butter. I’ll eat the cantaloupe and mango only because it would be a shame to let them spoil. I’ll freeze the bananas. I started a pot of plain rice and boiled ten small potatoes.
I wondered how far to carry this sackcloth concept. I don’t go out for meals, rent movies, drink alcohol or otherwise participate in normal luxuries. Should I not read? No, then I can’t study. Should I not go to the park? No, the dogs and I need the exercise. Should I not think of men? That might not work, either...
And how long do I go? One day would teach me little and would be unlikely to impress the Heavens. A week? Two weeks? Through the fasting of the High Holy Days? Until my 45th birthday, which is at the beginning of the High Holy Days?
Tonight, I do not know. I may decide by watching my blood pressure and pulse. If I do well, I will keep it up until after Yom Kippur. If I do not, I will end it early.
July 20.
I ate about a cup and a half of brown rice with leftover sweet potatoes twice today, plain potatoes once and plain rice once. I drank plain coffee and herbal tea. I can’t exactly say I’m starving myself and impressing the Heavens, but it is true that none of this tastes very gourmand.
I checked the blood pressure and pulse readings stored in my digital blood pressure gauge. I have had heart trouble nearly my whole life, with consistently high blood pressure from last August until this June, when it began to come down for two or three days at a time. Given the wide disparities in readings, I guess I would only quit the Tish’a B’Av diet if my systolic pressure was consistently above 150. Because I have (likely permanent) tachycardia (pulse over 100, even at rest), a systolic pressure of 150 or more means minor chest pain during even low impact activities like bending over or walking and serious pain on strenuous activity. Since I do not eat packaged food anyway, my readings may not change. I will take a multivitamin/multimineral as a precaution, take my herbal diuretic and try to make myself sleep on the bed wedge. (Sigh.)
July 21
I ate rice and potatoes. I have had no revelations from on high yet but I do notice I am content today. Yesterday I really, really wanted butter, chocolate, coconut oil… anything with fat in it.
July 22
This morning before work I was reading selections from the Talmud on the prohibition against having hametz (leaven) in the homes during Passover. As the rabbis were wont to do, they digressed… I enjoyed the details of whether or not people should concern themselves about mice who carried hametz into their homes and of how a man who enjoyed feasting too much would make his wife a widow, his children orphans and bring “himself, his children and all his grandchildren for generations into disrepute…What does it mean by disrepute? Abbaye said people will call his children ‘Son of the oven heater’… Rav Papa said ‘Son of the pan licker’… Rav Shemaia said ‘Son of the one who collapsed on the ground.’”
Although I laughed at these insults, it occurred to me that greed and obesity are so normal now that no one would ever call anyone “son of a pan licker” now. We are nearly all pan lickers, except perhaps those who participate in other obsessions such as drinking and smoking.
I weigh 10 to 15 pounds more than I would like, which is less excess weight than most middle aged women carry, but I am well aware that it is because I eat out of habit and comfort rather than need. I am a lot less physically active than I was from my teens through my early thirties. The only real change I have made was forced because I was so sick: I removed all relatives of wheat and corn from my diet. However, I frequently eat snacks because they taste good, I am bored or because I am trying to substitute food for sleep. Sometimes I eat a “second dinner” because I ate my first one when I got home at 4pm and then wanted a second dinner at 9 or 10. Last week I bought food I do not ordinarily buy because I thought I was going somewhere where I would want to bring an impressive dessert. I didn’t go. I ate it myself in three days instead of freezing most of it for later.
I do not intend to make myself ill by eating like a true Soviet work camp or German concentration camp resident, so I doubt I'll lose most of that 10-15 pounds. However, I am starting to realize that I do indeed suffer from subtle gluttony.
Early this morning I dreamed of my main patient, the one who is declining. He is incapable of eating or drinking on his own and has to be told repeatedly to swallow after every spoon he is fed. Much of his food dribbles out of his mouth when he gasps for air or falls asleep before swallowing. Two days ago I put pants on him that were tight in June. They are very loose now. If he were capable of standing, they would fall to his ankles. I dreamed he was lying in a fetal position on a concrete floor, unable to move anything but his eyes.
July 26
I appear to mostly have gone off the diet, since I've shared a couple of very nice meals with a lovely man from synagogue. But I think I have had a serious talk with myself and will be more mindful in the future.
July 19th, 2010, the evening before Tish’a B’Av
For those who have not heard of the 9th of Av, it is the day repeatedly chosen by people (most likely) or by God or nature (perhaps) to inflict terrible punishments on mankind, but especially on the Jewish people.
Traditionally Jews around the world gather after nightfall the evening before to mourn and to meditate, quietly in dim light, with shoes off.
I expected an evening of candlelight and wailing. I arrived early, despite being warned that the juncture of West Coast time and Jewish time is at least half an hour after I have checked my schedule to see if I showed up on the wrong day.
I asked Rabbi Yitz how I could help and he asked me to pass out copies of liturgy to the arriving congregants. I was happy to do so; I socialize better when I have a job to do.
Possibly thirty people arrived. I handed out liturgy and we whispered hellos. We removed our shoes at the door and entered the sanctuary quietly. There were cushions on the floor in front of the pews. Two large pots were tipped over sideways before fabric in a wave pattern and a dead bird lying feet up: a visual reference to the BP oil catastrophe in the Gulf.
I was disappointed that we read paragraphs from Lamentations by turns around the room. It seemed we were distracted from the spirit of the event by paying attention to whose turn it was. I would have preferred that two or three people shared the reading under lights while the rest of us absorbed words in near darkness.
I found myself looking at everyone, noting who looked Israeli, who had an accent, who looked as much a convert as I do. There were two men with pleasant baritone voices and strong lungs, a woman whose radiant smile is incredibly contagious, a tattooed man who looks tough but is very sweet. I admired the family I always see together: an Israeli-looking man with his fine hawk nose and copper skin, his wife, son and a twenty-ish daughter with glorious, curly, dark hair. She went up before the congregation at Shabbat services a few days before and did very well.
I worried over my inglorious bare feet with untrimmed toenails. I had forgotten we would be removing our shoes.
I recognized one lady as the daughter of Holocaust survivors and wondered if any others were present.
Two men held their heads in their hands. One looked like he could be the brother of the man I had loved sadly for eighteen years. At the beginning of the service, Rabbi said we needed to reach inside us and find the place where this deep sorrow for all humanity lay. Although he said some of us found this sorrow in relationships, I did not want to think about this man tonight.
I wanted to think about the histories of all of our families, how some distant ancestor of mine may have caused pain to some distant ancestor of someone in the room and vici versa. I wanted to remember how universal human wants and needs are, regardless of social station or religion. How pointless and wrong are our fights over minor differences!
I remembered the conclusion of Middlemarch, which I found frustrating as a budding feminist when I read it in high school. An intelligent and loving woman used her influence where she was able, in reaching out to those in her immediate surroundings.
I surprised myself now by finding that ending noble and good. Can I do that? Can I begin a little domino effect? If I am mindful to radiate peace, can I influence others to radiate peace? I remember hearing a famous relationship coach say to give honest compliments whenever you can. This I do daily, without thought. They roll out of me because I admire and love easily. But peace? Peace I really need to work on.
Peace comes partially from gratitude, from not worrying about the future because you are thankful for what and who you have now. In the worst recession in Oregon’s history, probably many people are struggling to feel thankful.
Who I have has always been a problem for me, although I feel more peace in a quiet single life than a difficult married life.
I have given up the farm and now live in a motor home, but I am not hungry. Although I earn a fifth of what I made just a few years ago, I remember far worse times, when I only had $4.00 a week with which to buy groceries. I bought brown flour or brown rice, a dozen eggs, a pound of carrots and an onion. I made bread, pancakes, rice burgers, stir fries over rice… as much variety as I could manage. I searched for dandelion greens and onion grass in our city neighborhood. I fed the children at every meal but usually only ate one small meal a day, myself. Someone I knew started calling me The Amazing Two Inch Wide Woman. As I shrunk from a snug size 8 to a loose 4, I heard Auschwitz comments, as well.
In Lamentations, we read aloud of mind numbing hunger, of how much worse it was to watch people waste away or eat their children than to die in battle. I shuddered with horror, although I‘d read it before.
I remember hunger, but experienced nothing like that of the Jews while the Romans raged at Jerusalem’s walls or of the Jews crowded into concentration camps.
It occurred to me as I drove home that I should commemorate the 9th of Av by eating small quantities of flavorless livestock fodder like people ate in concentration camps: part of a potato in broth that was really just the cooking water. If they didn’t eat potatoes, they ate lumps of bread, but I am afraid to do that since I react badly to gluten. I’m not trying to die, to get sick, or even to fast for weight loss, since I love food and hate dieting. I need to have enough energy to get up early, drive to work, help people bigger than I am get in and out of beds and wheel chairs, drive home, walk the dogs, etc. It wouldn’t be a mitzvah to the living if I was so fuzzy headed I was unable to help them. I guess what I seek is the dietary equivalent of wearing a sackcloth - making myself uncomfortable so I remember and repent.
If there is a Heaven, which I have doubted my whole life, I want to show an honest effort to understand the pain of those in Heaven who were killed inhumanely. Who knows? Perhaps I will reach a state like American Indians who went into the wilds alone seeking visions. Perhaps I will have a vision.
Since I’m not a junk food junkie, I suppose I have a head start on this. But I am exceptionally fond of Larabars and coconut milk. I came home and put them away, out of sight. I opened the refrigerator and set limits: no spices, no sauces, no butter. I’ll eat the cantaloupe and mango only because it would be a shame to let them spoil. I’ll freeze the bananas. I started a pot of plain rice and boiled ten small potatoes.
I wondered how far to carry this sackcloth concept. I don’t go out for meals, rent movies, drink alcohol or otherwise participate in normal luxuries. Should I not read? No, then I can’t study. Should I not go to the park? No, the dogs and I need the exercise. Should I not think of men? That might not work, either...
And how long do I go? One day would teach me little and would be unlikely to impress the Heavens. A week? Two weeks? Through the fasting of the High Holy Days? Until my 45th birthday, which is at the beginning of the High Holy Days?
Tonight, I do not know. I may decide by watching my blood pressure and pulse. If I do well, I will keep it up until after Yom Kippur. If I do not, I will end it early.
July 20.
I ate about a cup and a half of brown rice with leftover sweet potatoes twice today, plain potatoes once and plain rice once. I drank plain coffee and herbal tea. I can’t exactly say I’m starving myself and impressing the Heavens, but it is true that none of this tastes very gourmand.
I checked the blood pressure and pulse readings stored in my digital blood pressure gauge. I have had heart trouble nearly my whole life, with consistently high blood pressure from last August until this June, when it began to come down for two or three days at a time. Given the wide disparities in readings, I guess I would only quit the Tish’a B’Av diet if my systolic pressure was consistently above 150. Because I have (likely permanent) tachycardia (pulse over 100, even at rest), a systolic pressure of 150 or more means minor chest pain during even low impact activities like bending over or walking and serious pain on strenuous activity. Since I do not eat packaged food anyway, my readings may not change. I will take a multivitamin/multimineral as a precaution, take my herbal diuretic and try to make myself sleep on the bed wedge. (Sigh.)
July 21
I ate rice and potatoes. I have had no revelations from on high yet but I do notice I am content today. Yesterday I really, really wanted butter, chocolate, coconut oil… anything with fat in it.
July 22
This morning before work I was reading selections from the Talmud on the prohibition against having hametz (leaven) in the homes during Passover. As the rabbis were wont to do, they digressed… I enjoyed the details of whether or not people should concern themselves about mice who carried hametz into their homes and of how a man who enjoyed feasting too much would make his wife a widow, his children orphans and bring “himself, his children and all his grandchildren for generations into disrepute…What does it mean by disrepute? Abbaye said people will call his children ‘Son of the oven heater’… Rav Papa said ‘Son of the pan licker’… Rav Shemaia said ‘Son of the one who collapsed on the ground.’”
Although I laughed at these insults, it occurred to me that greed and obesity are so normal now that no one would ever call anyone “son of a pan licker” now. We are nearly all pan lickers, except perhaps those who participate in other obsessions such as drinking and smoking.
I weigh 10 to 15 pounds more than I would like, which is less excess weight than most middle aged women carry, but I am well aware that it is because I eat out of habit and comfort rather than need. I am a lot less physically active than I was from my teens through my early thirties. The only real change I have made was forced because I was so sick: I removed all relatives of wheat and corn from my diet. However, I frequently eat snacks because they taste good, I am bored or because I am trying to substitute food for sleep. Sometimes I eat a “second dinner” because I ate my first one when I got home at 4pm and then wanted a second dinner at 9 or 10. Last week I bought food I do not ordinarily buy because I thought I was going somewhere where I would want to bring an impressive dessert. I didn’t go. I ate it myself in three days instead of freezing most of it for later.
I do not intend to make myself ill by eating like a true Soviet work camp or German concentration camp resident, so I doubt I'll lose most of that 10-15 pounds. However, I am starting to realize that I do indeed suffer from subtle gluttony.
Early this morning I dreamed of my main patient, the one who is declining. He is incapable of eating or drinking on his own and has to be told repeatedly to swallow after every spoon he is fed. Much of his food dribbles out of his mouth when he gasps for air or falls asleep before swallowing. Two days ago I put pants on him that were tight in June. They are very loose now. If he were capable of standing, they would fall to his ankles. I dreamed he was lying in a fetal position on a concrete floor, unable to move anything but his eyes.
July 26
I appear to mostly have gone off the diet, since I've shared a couple of very nice meals with a lovely man from synagogue. But I think I have had a serious talk with myself and will be more mindful in the future.
Shabbat 7/17 near the 9th of Av
Shabbat 7/17: thoughts on peace between cultures and my own awkward self
I enjoy my Saturday morning Torah class, largely because of the widely variant perspectives in class, from the more militant and conservative to the more peaceful and kabbalistic.
Today, on the Shabbat nearest the 9th of Av, we remembered tragic events in Jewish history, nearly all acts of violent anti-Semitism. Rabbi Yitz, who came to Oregon in a VW bus in 1971, confessed his discomfort in knowing that some anti-Semitism is influenced by how Jews are portrayed during a surface reading of the Torah. It appears that our ancestors, filled with land lust, killed mercilessly. They also plundered, forced conversions and sometimes took as wives the women whose husbands they had slain (after allowing them some small period of grieving).
Rabbi Yitz said God was with the Israelites, people who often grumbled and seemed undeserving, but who also had great leaders and who made attempts to worship and follow the commandments. The communities the Israelites dispossessed were horrid. As Jews forgot their God and became more like the idolaters, they were also routed out of Israel.
Although there were moments when Abraham and Moses pleaded with God for a kinder type of justice, there were many others when they followed orders that we do not today understand. Jews and Moslems both in the Promised Land today seem to be following such harsh ideology. It is difficult to reason with people who believe they emulate heroes from their holy books!
Rabbi said much hatred stems from fear. When we encounter anti-Semitism, we should respond with loving education. One of the biggest and most urgent duties for American Jews is to work for peace between the various religions, here and in Israel. And we must remember to deserve the land we have been given.
Several people told me they were hesitant to make aliyah to a land where only the promise of war seems to remain. However, at the crumbling Western Wall, thronged with people praying and stuffing written wishes into its cracks, the visitors are moved to tears.
In synagogue services I am frequently awed to witness the response of congregants called up to carry the Torah scroll, light Shabbat candles and lead us in prayerful song. It is almost indescribably beautiful for me to see some ordinary American in jeans and sandals go joyfully to the podium and sing beautifully in Hebrew. I wish others could see this.
In my teens and twenties I attended services at a variety of religious institutions. Of the twenty five or so places I went (including the Morman Tabernacle, The Franciscan Monestary, a Buddhist temple and The National Cathedral, all in Washington, DC), the one that most impressed me was a small Baptist church during a revival, when the congregation was very involved. I had tears in my eyes at that church, but when I went back for services a few weeks later, the congregation simply sat and listened to the minister or dozed off.
At Temple Beth Israel and at many other synagogues, the congregation is very involved. I have no desire to proselytize because I think religion is a very personal matter, like who you choose to love and marry. However, those who think Jews feel smug and haughty in our “chosenness”, need only to come to services to witness joy and humble devotion.
I appreciate the Devars, teachings by individual congregants. Someone I may walk past in a grocery store without knowing their hidden talents, expounds on the weekly Torah portion, sharing their learning, personal insights and philosophies. Often they are inspired by wishes for peace.
I confessed to Zachary at the conclusion of service that I want to give a Devar, but I feel inadequate. It seems to me that Jewish people are born with the confidence to speak and sing beautifully before a crowd. Perhaps, I said, the culture creates that poise. Zachary smiled, “If you come to services for ten years, you learn.”
I said hello to a couple of people, then slipped out as I often do because I feel clumsy and gawkish. I am articulate for a sentence or two, then suddenly remember myself and crumble into a stuttering, red faced mess, no doubt confusing onlookers, who must wonder what happened. Something to work on. I like these people.
Last week I found a listing in TBI’s newsletter for a service that coordinated volunteers to help the elderly. I assumed it was a Jewish run organization. While I was waiting for my own wheelchair-bound patient at the hospital, I called to offer my services to pick up patients and bring them to Shabbat or High Holy Day services. The lady on the phone didn’t know what I meant. She asked if I planned to take someone to church on a Friday night…? I said “to synagogue” and she answered, “Well, we don’t have many wheelchair bound clients…” My patient arrived, so I had to end the conversation. I resolved to ask the Rabbis if they knew of someone who would like the company of a bumbling but sincere person who could assist them physically. It would be a mitzvah for both of us.
***
The holidays I fear the most are coming up: the High Holy Days. The holiday concept is beautiful: We reflect seriously on our transgressions individually and as a people. We repent to God, who will accept if we are sincere. However, we must approach directly those people we have hurt and seek reconciliation from them - simply apologizing to God is not enough. God is said to witness and record whether or not we make heartfelt amends and also whether we give selflessly to charity during the ten days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. (Of course I have heard stories of secular Jews who only give to charity and attend services during this ten day period to quiet their nagging mothers.)
I understand now why people usually convert for marriage and not alone, but I am determined to attend as many of the High Holy Day services as I can, nervous or not. Again, something to work on. I like these people.
I enjoy my Saturday morning Torah class, largely because of the widely variant perspectives in class, from the more militant and conservative to the more peaceful and kabbalistic.
Today, on the Shabbat nearest the 9th of Av, we remembered tragic events in Jewish history, nearly all acts of violent anti-Semitism. Rabbi Yitz, who came to Oregon in a VW bus in 1971, confessed his discomfort in knowing that some anti-Semitism is influenced by how Jews are portrayed during a surface reading of the Torah. It appears that our ancestors, filled with land lust, killed mercilessly. They also plundered, forced conversions and sometimes took as wives the women whose husbands they had slain (after allowing them some small period of grieving).
Rabbi Yitz said God was with the Israelites, people who often grumbled and seemed undeserving, but who also had great leaders and who made attempts to worship and follow the commandments. The communities the Israelites dispossessed were horrid. As Jews forgot their God and became more like the idolaters, they were also routed out of Israel.
Although there were moments when Abraham and Moses pleaded with God for a kinder type of justice, there were many others when they followed orders that we do not today understand. Jews and Moslems both in the Promised Land today seem to be following such harsh ideology. It is difficult to reason with people who believe they emulate heroes from their holy books!
Rabbi said much hatred stems from fear. When we encounter anti-Semitism, we should respond with loving education. One of the biggest and most urgent duties for American Jews is to work for peace between the various religions, here and in Israel. And we must remember to deserve the land we have been given.
Several people told me they were hesitant to make aliyah to a land where only the promise of war seems to remain. However, at the crumbling Western Wall, thronged with people praying and stuffing written wishes into its cracks, the visitors are moved to tears.
In synagogue services I am frequently awed to witness the response of congregants called up to carry the Torah scroll, light Shabbat candles and lead us in prayerful song. It is almost indescribably beautiful for me to see some ordinary American in jeans and sandals go joyfully to the podium and sing beautifully in Hebrew. I wish others could see this.
In my teens and twenties I attended services at a variety of religious institutions. Of the twenty five or so places I went (including the Morman Tabernacle, The Franciscan Monestary, a Buddhist temple and The National Cathedral, all in Washington, DC), the one that most impressed me was a small Baptist church during a revival, when the congregation was very involved. I had tears in my eyes at that church, but when I went back for services a few weeks later, the congregation simply sat and listened to the minister or dozed off.
At Temple Beth Israel and at many other synagogues, the congregation is very involved. I have no desire to proselytize because I think religion is a very personal matter, like who you choose to love and marry. However, those who think Jews feel smug and haughty in our “chosenness”, need only to come to services to witness joy and humble devotion.
I appreciate the Devars, teachings by individual congregants. Someone I may walk past in a grocery store without knowing their hidden talents, expounds on the weekly Torah portion, sharing their learning, personal insights and philosophies. Often they are inspired by wishes for peace.
I confessed to Zachary at the conclusion of service that I want to give a Devar, but I feel inadequate. It seems to me that Jewish people are born with the confidence to speak and sing beautifully before a crowd. Perhaps, I said, the culture creates that poise. Zachary smiled, “If you come to services for ten years, you learn.”
I said hello to a couple of people, then slipped out as I often do because I feel clumsy and gawkish. I am articulate for a sentence or two, then suddenly remember myself and crumble into a stuttering, red faced mess, no doubt confusing onlookers, who must wonder what happened. Something to work on. I like these people.
Last week I found a listing in TBI’s newsletter for a service that coordinated volunteers to help the elderly. I assumed it was a Jewish run organization. While I was waiting for my own wheelchair-bound patient at the hospital, I called to offer my services to pick up patients and bring them to Shabbat or High Holy Day services. The lady on the phone didn’t know what I meant. She asked if I planned to take someone to church on a Friday night…? I said “to synagogue” and she answered, “Well, we don’t have many wheelchair bound clients…” My patient arrived, so I had to end the conversation. I resolved to ask the Rabbis if they knew of someone who would like the company of a bumbling but sincere person who could assist them physically. It would be a mitzvah for both of us.
***
The holidays I fear the most are coming up: the High Holy Days. The holiday concept is beautiful: We reflect seriously on our transgressions individually and as a people. We repent to God, who will accept if we are sincere. However, we must approach directly those people we have hurt and seek reconciliation from them - simply apologizing to God is not enough. God is said to witness and record whether or not we make heartfelt amends and also whether we give selflessly to charity during the ten days between Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. (Of course I have heard stories of secular Jews who only give to charity and attend services during this ten day period to quiet their nagging mothers.)
I understand now why people usually convert for marriage and not alone, but I am determined to attend as many of the High Holy Day services as I can, nervous or not. Again, something to work on. I like these people.
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